Question: I have a girlfriend and we've been going out for 3 years. We decided not to have sexual intercourse for various reasons but we have been practicing other forms of sexual behavior to enhance our relationship. However, I am not satisfied as a loving boyfriend because I have not made her have an orgasm. I have tried everything, from touching her, to oral sex and she keeps on saying that I obviously haven't got the right spot. I read your advice in one of your index topics in that one should look for her clitoris with light, but she's to shy to let me examine her vulva under light, so I can't find the spots that get her turned on. She does get wet, but soon after that, she loses interest, as I just can't find the clitoris. I've touched every possible part of where her clitoris is supposed to be positioned but still no response. I feel desperate to make her reach orgasm.
Answer: I can only recommend that you have her show you what she likes. If she is too shy to show you her vulva now, after knowing each other for three years, that is not likely to change anytime soon. If she expects you to give her pleasure, she must provide you with the information you need. If she is not a willing and active sexual partner there isn't much you can do. If she expects to be able to leave you in the dark, she cannot expect much in return. You may need to be firm with her, for her own benefit. Do not be mean or rude but explain the facts to her. Show her this website and discuss the information presented.