Question: Whenever I fantasize I never get turned on, what is wrong with me?

Answer: Do you ever experience sexual arousal? If so, then you are "thinking" about sexual topics that are not sexually arousing for you. Perhaps you should read some erotic stories to find a subject that sexually arouses you. You may have to choose subjects that from a logical or emotional perspective you would expect or want to be sexually arousing. Please see the web sites and pages linked to below:

Q&A Page 6 Question #4

Shared Sexual Fantasies

http://www.asstr.org/

If you are not experiencing sexual arousal under any condition then that is a much more complex subject to address, but one that is addressed in the Q&A section of the website.

Question: I am 17 years old and I have been masturbating ever since I was about 12. When I first started getting the urge to touch myself at 12 years of age, I was watching a Girls Gone Wild commercial and I just started humping my bed and grinding on it until I reached an orgasm. I kept using that technique for a while but I never actually touched my pussy or clit. Later on, I did start putting things into my vagina. It felt really good and I cummed. After that, I finally discovered my clitoris and found it to be very sensitive so I would only touch it when I wanted to orgasm. However, now I can ONLY orgasm if I'm touching my clitoris. This is an extremely difficult situation to be in when I'm having sex, because I cant really rub my clit if he's on top, or where ever he may be. So my question is, is it normal not to orgasm if you don't rub your clit? If so, why is that I was be able to orgasm before without rubbing it and not now? and lastly, how can I have an orgasm when having sex?

Answer: In our survey that looks at sexual satisfaction women report they experience orgasm during intercourse without added clitoral stimulation 33% of the time and 60% of the time with added clitoral stimulation. That means women are twice as likely to experience orgasm during intercourse with added clitoral stimulation than without. Keep in mind that during intercourse some women always experience orgasm and others never experience orgasm regardless of whether additional clitoral stimulation is provided.

To provide clitoral stimulation the woman usually has to be on top controlling things and using her hands to provide additional stimulation, i.e. clitoral and breast. You can also lay on your sides or have him enter you from behind when you are kneeling so you can reach your clitoris. You fingers are much more skilled and knowledgeable than his so that is why yours will likely work best. When circumstances permit you can also get a muscle massager or vibrator that either of you can hold to provide the necessary clitoral stimulation. Small ones like a Pocket Rocket work nicely for this. They even make tiny ones you can strap into place over your clitoris so your hands are free for other things, and they wont get in the way either.

You may learn how to have vaginal orgasms, but as the survey results indicate, they occur much less frequently, on average. The position of your bodies may determine if you have vaginal orgasms. Being on top controlling things and rear entry increase the chances of vaginal orgasm, as it is more likely that your female prostate (aka the G-Spot) will be stimulated in these positions.

When you had your first clitoral orgasm, as a result of rubbing your vulva against your bed, there was first mental stimulation, the commercial, to get you sexually aroused. You may require mental stimulation prior to physical stimulation if this technique is to work for you. It could be that you require a specific amount of friction to get the necessary stimulation. What were you wearing; underwear, pants, and what type of fabric where they made from? Have you tried humping a pillow or similar object? It may be that clitoral stimulation is simply more intense and you are not patient enough to allow this less direct and intense method to work. Try using mental stimulation along with the rubbing.

Question: I want to know when does the pill starts its function? After how many days, from the first day that I start using the pill (or from the first day of my period), the contraception pill protects me from getting pregnant? (I am using Yasmin pill)

Answer: Please see the information linked to below:

http://www.teenwire.com/infocus/2003/if-20030212p168-pill.php

Question: My boyfriend refuses to perform Cunnilingus on me because one of his friends swears that he got some sort of viral infection in his throat from performing Cunnilingus on his girlfriend! Help!

Answer: I cannot say whether his friend's claims are true without knowing more about the reported infection. Yes, it is possible, but...

The common cold is caused by a viral infection. Does this fact cause him to live in a bubble?

I sure hope you aren't giving him oral pleasure if he is using this lame excuse.

I suspect he is being lazy or simply believes the vulva is dirty, which it isn't.

If you are engaging in any type of unprotected sex then he is being exposed to any type of infection you may have, sexual or otherwise.

I personally wouldn't put my penis anywhere I wouldn't be willing to put my mouth.

Question: First I must say I really like the site, it helped me a lot I'm 19 years old, still a virgin, but I've only just started to masturbate a few months ago. At first I always just rubbed my fingers against my clit, and had small orgasms that weren't that intense. So soon I wanted to try and see what a vibrator would feel like, but I didn't have one. So I used an old electric toothbrush (I cleaned it and put new batteries in it) and tried it for the first time. About a minute after using it, I had great urges to just thrust it in there, and I ended up having the biggest orgasm I've ever had. But I realized I might have pushed it it a little too far maybe? Is it possible to break your hymen, if your are a virgin, during masturbation? And my vulva was a little sore from it afterwards (it didn't hurt, but it was tender) is that suppose to happen after the first time of deep penetration?

Answer: You may or may not have had a hymen before inserting the toothbrush into your vagina even though you are a virgin. All you can do now is examine your vulva to see if you still have one. Since you do not mention experiencing any bleeding you may not have torn your hymen, but you still may not have a hymen.

Please see the information linked to below for more information on this subject:

The Hymen

Locating Your Vagina

Question: Is it normal to have 2-weeks long periods? Why some women get long periods? Should I be concerned about long periods?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only provide general information not a medical diagnosis.

I would say that if your periods are lasting two weeks you need to bring this to a doctor's attention.

Please see the information linked to below:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003263.htm

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/menstruationheavy.htm

http://www.mjbovo.com/AbnlBleed.htm

Question: Hi, I'm an 18 year old female, I have been sexually active for 3 years now and have had 16 sexual partners. Until recently I enjoyed sex and was 'horny' all the time. Then about 4 months ago I had sex with a new partner, I would describe him as having a long penis, the sex was very rough and hard. Since then when I had sex I would bleed, it then stopped for a while, but now I have started bleeding while masturbating using a dildo, it was only a small dildo and thinner than my vibrator that I usually use. There was a lot of blood. I am on the contraceptive pill but have been for 3 years, and I also am not due on my period for another 2 weeks. I had a full sexual health check and HIV test done 2 months ago and I haven't engaged in sexual intercourse with any new partners since then. Is there any reason why I'm bleeding and whether I should worry about it, also is is safe to insert a tampon to stem the bleeding even though its not menstrual blood?

Answer: I am not a doctor so I can only refer you to the following web sites:

Masturbation & Bleeding:

http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/Sexuality/722.html

http://sexualhealth.com/question/read/love-relationships/healing-from-sexual-abuse/1509/

Midcycle Bleeding:

http://www.fleshandbones.com/guides/obgyn.cfm

http://womenshealth.about.com/od/bleedingmidcycle/

http://www.aafp.org/afp/991001ap/1371.html

http://www.webmd.com/hw/womens_conditions/hw63221.asp

http://www.drugs.com/enc/vaginal_bleeding_between_periods.html

If the flow of blood is light then a tampon may dry out your vagina causing it to be difficult and painful to remove. If the flow is heavy enough that you need to use a pad or tampon you need to consult a doctor.

A doctor will need to determine if the blood originates from your vulva, vagina, or uterus, and insert a speculum to see if the blood is coming out of your cervix, which help determine a possible cause.

You will need to explain the circumstances of the bleeding, as you described above. Keep in mind you wont be admitting to anything that 80-90% of their patients haven't done, i.e. masturbate, and the doctor likely masturbates too. If they have a problem with you masturbating then find a different doctor.

Question: I am an 18 year old female. I had sex before when I was in a relationship of 3 years. We broke up and I've been with a new guy for almost a year. I have a problem...I don't know why but I am scared to have sex this time. My present boyfriend is 21 and still a virgin. Thanks

Answer: It is hard to know for sure. The anxiety indicates you are uncomfortable with some aspect of the relationship, or haven't totally resolved all the issues remaining from the last relationship.

You may have different needs, desires, and inhibitions now than you did when you first had sex with your prior partner. Psychologically you may be a "virgin" all over again, and may have higher expectations now than you did when you first had intercourse. This is something I mention on the pages addressing virginity and the first experience of intercourse.

I wouldn't force yourself to have sex if you don't want to and don't feel ready. Don't feel obligated to have sex because he is a virgin and may not want to be. Don't allow the older guy to control or intimidate you. Your reluctance could indicate you are not totally happy with the relationship and this guy is simply not the guy for you. You may be friends rather than lovers.

If this guy truly cares about you he will respect your needs. He is 21 and a virgin, so should he be expecting a 18 year old to be having sex, if she doesn't want to? Your prior sexual experience is irrelevant and it doesn't obligate you to have sex today, tomorrow, or next year.

You might consider what about sex is making your apprehensive. Are you comfortable with physical intimacy? Are you afraid of pregnancy? Is your life in a cycle of change and sex is too much for you to deal with now, physically and emotionally?

Perhaps it is his lack of experience that concerns you, and you may be uncomfortable with the idea of taking the lead and controlling the sexual experience. You may be concerned that you or he will make a mistake and ruin the experience for one or both of you. The solution to this is to admit your concerns and to take things slowly.

It is hard to know when not having sex in a relationship becomes a "problem." Given your age I would say it is best not to rush things or do something you feel you may regret later. You are young, if this relationship doesn't work out, perhaps the next one will.

Question: I started masturbating at the beginning of this year with a bullet vibrator. That one died a few months later, and I recently bought a new one from a different company. When I masturbated with the first one, I would orgasm, and what I thought was the "normal" liquid would come out. However more recently, I seem to (also) pee when I come. This sensation to urinate is only recent. To try to solve this, I go to the bathroom before I masturbate, but it doesn't seem to help. I read on your site that it is normal to urinate when orgasming, and we should not try to stop it. I wish I could though, because it causes my towel to get quite wet, and some times spills onto my sheets. Do you know why this is happening now, and if there is any way to go back to the way it was before (without urinating while orgasming)?

Answer: I am afraid we simply do not know a lot about female ejaculation. If you are emptying your bladder prior to masturbating to orgasm there really isn't much else you can do to stop the flow, if you are truly ejaculating. Perhaps you need to drink less just prior to masturbating and then make up for it afterwards.

If perhaps you now have a urinary track infection (UTI) you may not be able to control the release of urine, but I would expect this to be a problem all the time, especially with a full bladder, or indicated by frequent urination. You may also have a problem emptying your bladder so it isn't truly empty when you believe it is. You might insert a finger into your vagina after urinating to see if your pelvic muscles on in contraction. Squeeze and release your finger with your pelvic muscles, relax, and try to urinate again. This wont help if your bladder sphincter is shutting off the flow when your bladder isn't truly empty. You might try taking a warm/hot shower and urinating while doing so, perhaps the flow of warm water around you will help with the flow of water out of you; the relaxation wont hurt the process either.

You might make sure you are not tightening your pelvic or stomach muscles while masturbating. Place a hand on your stomach to make sure your stomach muscles stay relaxed and insert a finger into your vagina to make sure it isn't contracting tightly, at different times of course. Masturbate slowly and monitor your body, how it feels and responds. Don't try to have an orgasm, but go for a slow build up, taking breaks when things get too intense. See if you are aware of any changes in your body that may result in ejaculation, or urination.

How are you using the vibrator? Are you inserting it into your vagina or using it on your vulva/clitoris? I would not expect a vibrator to cause what you describe, unless it is stronger or weaker, which has changed your pattern of arousal and orgasm. You may be tightening muscles that you use to keep relaxed, because you are trying to compensate for a weak vibrator or resisting a strong vibrator.

You should be able to get disposable bed pads at your local drug store or pharmacy. Tell them they are for a grandparent.

We sell fancy washable bed pads in our store to help women who ejaculate manage the wetness easier, and they can be handy during your menstrual period too.

Sorry that I cannot provide a more definitive answer.

Question: My name is Allison and I'm 19. I have been sexually active for 4 years and have been with 4 partners. I orgasm when I masturbate with a vibrator on my clitoris or with my showerhead on my clitoris, but never from penetration or even rubbing my fingers over my clitoris. I really want to orgasm during sex with my boyfriend!! Even after hours of sex I just don't get even the slightest tension build-up. Not even during oral sex. ONLY through vibration... what is wrong with me? Will I ever be able to? I have PCOS [Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome] which means my hormones have a little more testosterone than normal, but I am on B.C. [birth control pill] which should be balancing them out...does this have anything to do with it? Help!! Thanks so much for your time... I really appreciate it!

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

Vibrators and water spray tend to provide more intense stimulation than one can provide by hand, and the stimulation is more consistent and can be provided for extended periods of time, whereas your fingers would otherwise tire. Millions of women have vibrators because they do work so well and enhance their sexual experiences.

Birth control medication can adversely affect sexual desire and responsiveness. If your desire to masturbate and ability to experience orgasm did not changed after starting to take the BC then that is less likely to be the problem.

I am not familiar with the affects on PCOS on female sexuality, though I am sure it must affect it one way or another, good or bad, because of the affects it has on your hormones, and perhaps you self image.

Many women require the use of a vibrator to experience orgasm and must use them during partnered sex, even those without PCOS. I would recommend using a vibrator during partnered sex, so you can experience orgasm and don't need to worry about whether you will. Teach your partner how to use the vibrator. This may actually help you to relax and enjoy partnered sex more resulting you having an orgasm without the use of a vibrator. Orgasm is more likely if you are enjoying sex rather than worried that you will not experience orgasm.

You can also show your partner how you use the water spray, so they can share in your pleasure. If they hold you in their arms while you experience orgasm this may result in a very pleasurable experience for both of you.