Questions and Answers About Female Sexuality Volume 13: Questions 131-140

Question: I would be very grateful if somebody could help me, any relevant information might be useful for me. Two months ago I had clitoral adhesions and accumulated smegma under the hood removed (thanks to your website!). I hoped my pain (which has been occurring regularly almost every month in the past 10! years (I am 30 now)- and I have been treated for urinal infections all this time!) would stop.

It seemed to be better after the operation, I could sit and walk without problems again, but discomfort still appeared after masturbation. Almost every time after masturbation (or intercourse) and orgasm. The last time the pain took 7 days, from the morning till the evening, I felt pain especially when walking, driving in car, even plain sitting, wearing trousers...the whole area was very sensitive, the most pain was somewhere in the clitoris (not outside anymore, rather in the inner part- shaft, crus), I felt even the clitoris crus on the left side very painful, and also the area of the bladder and urethra was very sensitive (it always has been, but I never have pain when urinating and probably no bacteria in the urinary tract, I think it is just more sensitive due to the painful clitoris just next to it). It was reddened slightly under the clitoris, also the upper part of the labia, but otherwise nothing wrong seemed to be from outside, the doctor thought, it still might be painful after all those years, but I somehow cannot believe him, there must be something wrong, it wouldn't t be that painful for that many days.

Is it possible that smegma still accumulates somewhere inside the clitoris? (I cannot clean it deeper than 0,5-1cm around the clitoral glands, the prepuce seems to be adherent to the clitoral shaft in this depth already, is it normal?)

Is it possible that something is wrong with my bulbus vestibuli? (possibly in connection with the blood that gets there additionally during orgasm? (I had also one Bartholin's glands removed after quite big abscess on it three years ago).

Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.

It is unusual for a woman who is menstruating to experience clitoral adhesions. They more commonly affect preadolescent girls because they do not have increased levels of estrogen in their body, and post menopausal women because their estrogen level has declined. Women of menstrual age also have increased amounts of the hormone testosterone in their body, which also influences the health of the vulva. Based on your medical history I would recommend that you have your doctor test your hormone levels. You want to ensure they are not low. The problems you describe might possibly be caused by either low testosterone or estrogen levels.

If you are taking any form of prescription medication, including prescription birth control, it may adversely affect the health of your vulva.

The shape of the clitoris and its hood varies greatly in women so it is hard to know if you still have adhesions. I recommend looking through the vulva images in the Body Image section of the website to see what other women look like. If you still have adhesions or they reformed it would possibly indicate a hormonal problem or some form or irritation, possible caused by an infection.

Numerous things can irritate the vulva. That is why I recommend that only air and water come in contact with it. Have you read the page about Hygiene in the Health section? Everything from the soap you wash yourself and your clothing with could irritate your vulva. If you use sanitary napkins, menstrual pads, they could irritate your vulva, as could latex condoms if you use them.

Some women find applying a light coating of natural lubrication to their vulva one or more times daily helps reduce the amount of irritation, by reducing friction. We have vitamin E oil available here, but any naturally oily substance should do, that isn't petroleum oil based. It should not have artificial scents or colors. You want everything to slip and slide. Apply after rinsing your vulva in the morning and perhaps at night before going to bed.

I am not aware of conditions that may affect the inner structures of the clitoris, but they must exist. The crus are deep, against the pubic bones, and beneath the adjacent muscles. The two cura make up the body of the clitoris, that is they are the same structures. If a problem affected the crus it seems it would also have to affect the body of the clitoris too. The crus and body of the clitoris are made of cylinders of erectile tissue. The glans of the clitoris is made of a different tissue that is not erectile in nature.

Have you read the page about Female Ejaculation and learned about the Female Prostate Gland? Perhaps the glands that make up your prostate gland are the cause of some of your symptoms.

Since doctors know little about the anatomy of the vulva it is possible that some harm was done when you Bartholin's Gland was removed, it is hard to say.

Some other things to be aware of are the state of your pelvic muscles. They must be strong AND flexible. Weak or tense muscles could cause some problems. Kegels exercises to gain control over them are addressed on the page linked to below:

How to Do Kegels

Some of the other pages I have mentioned are linked to below:

Feminine Hygiene

Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot

Female Body Image

Question: Hi, I am a 13 year old girl. When I was 11, before I got my period, I watched porn but was not stimulated. Then when I got my period I explored the more taboo aspects of porn even looking at Hentai. I felt a tingling sensation and wondered what it was. With a little research on your website I found I was stimulated, by these pictures. I had fantasies about girls and boys, and then I started exploring but nothing, nothing happened. I wasn't even stimulated anymore. My underwear was wet with a clear/white liquid and once again I used your handy-dandy website and found out what was happening.

I know orgasms and stimulation are all mental but how do I get to this mental stimulation is what I want to know. When I touch myself it feels nice but once again nothing. I even tried the showerhead thing, better, but nothing. Often, the whole time I keep thinking how awkward it is, no not awkward, embarrassing like it is something to be ashamed of. I know that its natural and healthy for a girl but how do I get my mind to know that too??

Answer: We know very little about adolescent sexuality so it is hard to know what a typical experience is like for young women your age. I know older teens and young women have experienced the same experiences as you. In some regards you are more advanced than them, as you know you have had sexual feelings and know that you have experienced sexual arousal, even if you haven't felt aroused at the time. You have done some exploring, which is something that some women twice your age have never done.

While many of your classmates masturbate and some experience orgasm I am sure that just as many have not. If you look through some of the survey results on the website you will be able to find out when teens/women first became aware of sexual arousal and desire, and when they started masturbating and had their first orgasm. The main thing you should note is that there is a great variety of experiences.

At this point, it is good that you are exploring and trying to figure out what works for you, or doesn't work. While it is frustrating and confusing this what you must continue to do. Gives yourself some time to continue to develop mentally and physically.

I don't know if it possible that your mind and body are not yet fully sexually matured and that is the reason behind your experiences. I know your body probably wont be fully developed for another three years. I cannot begin to address the mental aspects sexual development.

I wish I knew how to get your mind to stop thinking about these things so much, as others experience the same, but I cannot. Sometimes we are hindered by our own knowledge and expectations, and the anxiety we experience when we don't achieve our expectations.

Here is more information on the website that may be of use to you.

Perception of Female Sexual Arousal and Desire

Questions and Answers: Puberty, Adolescence, and Self Discovery - Learning How to Be a Sexual Woman

Question: I am 23 years old and have been sexually active in the past, but haven't for a year or so. I noticed the other day an oval shaped mass under my lower mons veneris (deep under skin and fatty tissue) on the left side and possibly on the right (if it's there it's a lot smaller). I looked online for lymphatic diagrams, and other diagrams to see if it was a normal lymph node or gland. I couldn't find much. it doesn't hurt or cause discomfort, but i just want to make sure it's supposed to be there or if I should get it checked out.

Answer: I am afraid I can only refer you to the following web pages and recommend that you consult a doctor about this:

Web MD: Pelvic Lymph Nodes

Medhelp: Swollen Pelvic Lymph Nodes

Question: Has anybody ever thought how orgasm changes after a hysterectomy?

I could always masturbate from a cold start to finish in minutes depending on the time available. The orgasm was great, plenty of contractions.

Now, it is pathetic. There is just a little ripple, no noticeable contractions at all. It is so hard to get that far. It just seems that nothing stimulates me at all.

I generally climax with rocking the bed, something that I never had to do before. I have always done it on my side when having a full bladder and just squeezing my legs together. What kind of toy can I buy that would rock me instead of the bed.

It is such an embarrassing subject and not many places to get help.

Answer: Please see the information linked to below:

What affect will a hysterectomy have on my partner's experience of sex?

If my partner has a hysterectomy, including the removal of her cervix, will that remove a third of her Vagina?

Female Sexual Satisfaction

If there is a medical cause for your impaired sexual response then a sex toy isn't likely the solution. A quality vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand may provide the intense stimulation you now require with a lot less effort on your part. You can lay back and allow it to do all the work.

Question: I have a question about after I orgasm...as I'm masturbating I'm usually some what wet, but I don't think I've ever actually ejaculated. Yet the next day as I'm just walking about it just sort of comes out, sometimes a lot more than other times. Is there something wrong with me?? I would love to know?! Thanks so much!

Answer: I do not know the cause of your experience. After intercourse with a partner the combination of fluids that exits the vagina are called flowback. While laying down some fluids may pool in the vagina but once you stood or sat up they would exit the vagina, as a result of gravity. If you have really tight pelvic muscles it is possible your vaginal opening may be held closed. I don't know if the vagina could be held closed tightly enough to hold fluids in. I have heard of women in one society that contracted their pelvic muscles to hold in menstrual fluid until they were alone and could release it in private. Inserting a finger into your vagina while standing after you masturbate may release any fluid that is being held inside by releasing any suction that may be present; but I wouldn't expect this to be the case. If your vagina was normally held closed menstrual fluid would not flow from your body during your period. What you could be experiencing is spontaneous sexual arousal or the flow of cervical fluids. The timing of the release of fluid could be coincidental, or coincide with the desire to masturbate. Please see the pages linked to below:

Can you feel a penis throbbing or ejaculating inside you?

Why do I feel a bunch of liquid coming out of my vagina?

Question: Hey by the way, I love the website its nice to know somebody is willing to talk about taboo things.

I can masturbate very easily by putting my legs together (crossing my ankles) and squeezing/thrusting. I haven't read of anyone doing this on this website but it feels good and I orgasm almost every time. My problem is that my boyfriend and I don't have sex quite yet but we do everything else. We masturbate each other often, and he loves it. My problem is that although it feels good I never orgasm. Sometimes when he rubs my clit it even feels uncomfortable. I really want to be able to get off when we masturbate each other, I've tried touching my clit, penetrating my vagina but nothing seems to get me off. I get very impatient when I touch myself and just put my legs and thrust. Is this normal? And is there any way that my boyfriend can get me off by touching me? please help!

Answer: Others experience the same but there is no quick and easy answer. The following Q&A address the subject directly or indirectly.

I can only experience orgasm while standing up using an electric toothbrush.

I need advise on experiencing orgasm without using a vibrator, water spray, or tightening my muscles.

During partnered sex it has a lot to do with being able to relax and surrender control. If you are not comfortable with the experience mentally and physically then orgasm is less likely. You have to trust your partner fully. You have to focus your mind on the pleasure of the moment, or sexual thoughts/fantasy. Your partner also has to be able to provide the appropriate stimulation for the necessary amount of time. If you cannot masturbate to orgasm through clitoral or vaginal stimulation it is less likely your partner will be able to stimulate you to orgasm, as your mind and body don't know how, as they haven't learn how and can actually work against you.

Having him read the page about Clitoral Massage may help him learn how to simulate your vulva in a pleasurable way that does not cause pain. You should be using additional lubrication. If you cannot show him through masturbation how to stimulate your clitoris it will be harder for him to figure out what works best for you.

At some point you will probably want to try a vibrator or muscle massager to bring about orgasm during masturbation and partnered sex. They can help you have clitoral orgasms and make it easier to experience orgasm during other activities, once you learn how to have clitoral orgasms.

Here is the page for him to read.

Vulva and Clitoral Massage

The pages written for virgins may be of help, as sexual development is addressed.

A Guide to Loosing Your Virginity: How to Have Sex

You also need to learn how to make love to yourself rather than going for the quick orgasm.

With him, explore mutual full body massage, they help you relax and develop trust. Make each other feel good, don't focus on orgasm, his or yours.

Question: My name is Samantha, and I'm 14 years old.

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. I don't know when I started but long before kindergarten even. I remember I'd always do it in my bed, I would lie on my stomach, and place my hands between my legs, and kind rub my private area over my hands, or rub my hands back and forth around this area. I would do it before I go to bed sometimes, or when I woke up, or more often as a child during nap time.

As I got older, I began doing it more often and for longer periods.

I never did this in front of anybody, if someone walked into my room, I jumped off of my hands and acted normal.

I never tried masturbating in other places such as a bathtub until recently. And I've never even tried using other methods such as lying on my back instead of my stomach until recently.

We've never talked about sex at my house ever, so whatever I do know I've learned in school. It was last week in school, I heard this word in sex class and finally now had a name for my secret activity that I had spent a lot of time doing. Up until now, I had no idea that other people did this, I thought only I did, and I wasn't going to let anyone else know either. I also had no idea it had anything to do with sex. That is until last week when I learned a bit about it in school.

So, how did I discover this thing this sort of rocking or rubbing thing that I've been doing probably since I was two years old? If someone taught me how to do it, I'd probably have remembered where I learned it. But how do most people learn it? Are they taught how to do it? Do they start doing it as young as I have? Is it kind of just a coincidence that I started masturbating that early? Did I just happen to place my hands there one night
when nobody was looking and realize that it felt good? And then just kept doing it whenever I felt like? Or are we kind of programmed after we are born to discover it on our own kind of like how birds are programmed to fly south? If this is the case, then almost everybody has masturbated when they were little as well. How many people masturbate this early in life, and how do they discover it?

It's really strange feeling I have right now because even before I was in kindergarten, I've been doing this activity that I had no idea was, had no name for it in my head. And I didn't dare ask anyone or show anyone or even try to find out what it is. Now I know that a lot of people, maybe everybody does this, and I'm just dieing to know how most people learn or discover this. Maybe I learned it so early in life that I don't remember how I learned it. Maybe it's like walking or talking, I don't remember exactly the first time I walked or how I learned to do it. But I've been walking for a very long time. Is masturbation kind of the same way, everybody learns how to do it on their own so early in life that nobody really knows how they discovered it??

Please get back to me, my curiosity is killing me.

Answer: For young children it is likely the result of learning through experience.

Your vulva and especially your clitoris are very sensitive so if something touches them it may result in pleasant sensations. If you lay on your stomach in bed and a blanket or a diaper bunches up and puts pressure on your vulva this may result in pleasurable feelings. Since it does feel good you intentionally do it again. It may also feel pleasant when your parents bath your vulva when you are young, which motivates you to touch your vulva. Any activity that stimulates your vulva may result in pleasurable feelings so you repeat the experiences to experience the pleasure. Once you learn about the pleasure you may learn about orgasm and how masturbating helps you relax and sleep, etc.

At the bottom of the main page on masturbation there is mention of a female fetus, an unborn baby, being observed masturbating during an ultrasound examination of her mother. So you may have known how to masturbate before birth.

If you read through the shared masturbation techniques and experiences you will see may share your experiences.

Others don't learn until puberty, when they explore their changing body and when sexual feelings and desires first occur. If you look at the survey results you will see the majority of girls start to masturbate during puberty, or they are the first experiences they remember.

Follow-up Question: Thank you for replying to my email. I didn't think I'd get something real quick. I checked out the information you gave, yes I did find the information about an unborn child seen masturbating. Interesting.

I suppose, I'll never know how I discovered it, nor when I did it for the first time. You gave some possibilities of how it could have happened though, but I'm dieing to know how I personally discovered it. I was hoping you would tell me it was like instinct after you are born and that everybody does it. From the looks of it though, from the statistics on your website, most people discover it as a teenager. I looked at some of the stories on your site, and I did notice many people saying their first time was at three or four or some real young age. But I haven't found anyone on their that didn't know what age they started or how it happened. Am I normal then? It seems like most people can remember their first time. But I can't.

Follow-up Answer: If permitted, infants will explore their genitals when they develop the hand coordination to do so. They are simply exploring their body and the world around them. If their parent slaps their hand away, as I have seen a parent do, they quickly learn not to. Experts in childhood development believe most if not all young children explore their genitals and masturbate at a young age, but quickly learn their parents don't approve. They either stop all together or learn to hide it. This learning process if often done before an age that they can remember later in life. Your parents may have permitted your explorations and rubbing to you not stopped. I have heard of infant girls being observed masturbating to orgasm by a parent, by rubbing their vulva against the floor or bedding.

You might find the following letter I received from a mother a couple days ago of interest.

"I know you have articles about childhood masturbation on your site, but surely you haven't heard of anything my daughter is into. Right now she's 5 years old and will be starting kindergarten soon. She's been masturbating almost every night and upon waking up each morning ever since she was two and a half. We've tried to ignore this activity when she is in her room during naptime as well. She places a stuffed animal or a pillow under her waste and kind of rocks over it. But often when she is watching television or if she is bored she will do this on the couch or on the floor. Since it is only family in our house most of the time, this too isn't that embarrassing but leads me to wonder if it isn't excessive already. Not only this, but when she is having a bath she likes to place one leg in the tub, and one leg out of the tub on the floor and kind of sit on the white part of the bathtub and straddle it. It always worries me that she might fall and hurt herself. But this too we try to ignore. If she is in the bathroom by herself or in her bedroom by herself masturbating we'll ignore it. If it is anywhere else in the house, we try to tell her not right now, wait till you are in your room by yourself, or go to your room right now and come back when you are finished.

I want to know if we are doing the right thing by ignoring it most of the time, but also restricting her too by sending her to her room. But I'm also interested to know if there is anything we can do so that she doesn't do this as much as she is. Once a day is enough, I think. Less would even be healthier.

There have been embarrassing incidents too, such as when she was 4 and was masturbating in a Dr's office on a hospital bed while she we were waiting for the Dr to come in. I"m worried what such behavior too might lead to when she starts school. I'm worried during naptime in school she'll be masturbating and I don't know what that could lead to."

The following Q&A also looks at a young girl who has been permitted to masturbate and be sexual:

Childhood Sexuality: What is Normal?

Question: I know you have articles about childhood masturbation on your site, but surely you haven't heard of anything my daughter is into. Right now she's 5 years old and will be starting kindergarten soon. She's been masturbating almost every night and upon waking up each morning ever since she was two and a half. We've tried to ignore this activity when she is in her room during naptime as well. She places a stuffed animal or a pillow under her waist and kind of rocks over it. But often when she is watching television or if she is bored she will do this on the couch or on the floor. Since it is only family in our house most of the time, this too isn't that embarrassing but leads me to wonder if it isn't excessive already. Not only this, but when she is having a bath she likes to place one leg in the tub, and one leg out of the tub on the floor and kind of sit on the white part of the bathtub and straddle it. It always worries me that she might fall and hurt herself. But this too we try to ignore. If she is in the bathroom by herself or in her bedroom by herself masturbating we'll ignore it. If it is anywhere else in the house, we try to tell her not right now, wait till you are in your room by yourself, or go to your room right now and come back when you are finished.

I want to know if we are doing the right thing by ignoring it most of the time, but also restricting her too by sending her to her room. But I'm also interested to know if there is anything we can do so that she doesn't do this as much as she is. Once a day is enough, I think. Less would even be healthier.

There have been embarrassing incidents too, such as when she was 4 and was masturbating in a Dr's office on a hospital bed while she we were waiting for the Dr to come in. I'm worried what such behavior too might lead to when she starts school. I'm worried during naptime in school she'll be masturbating and I don't know what that could lead to.

Any suggestions you might have are greatly appreciated right now.

Answer: Have you read the Q&A concerning another five year old girl who also masturbates openly? Here is the link:

Childhood Sexuality: What is Normal?

I am not an expert in childhood behavior nor do I have children so I am not sure if my advice has much value.

I believe you are doing the right thing by allowing her to openly masturbate in her room and the bathroom. She isn't doing anything wrong or harmful, nor should she have to hide her activities. As mentioned in the above article, you see her masturbating frequently because you permit her to do so, which isn't a bad thing. Making her hide her activities wont necessarily change the frequency of them, only the frequency that you witness them. If she feels the need to hide her activities then she would likely feel she is doing something wrong, which she isn't.

A possible reason why she masturbated in the Dr's office is that it was a stressful situation and she has learned masturbating helps her relax, and is a distraction. For her, it was an appropriate thing to do.

Slipping in the tub is a concern. The hardness and coldness of the tub likely feels good to her though, and she isn't likely to stop, only hide her activates. You can explain to her the risk and how if she slips and hits her vulva damage could be done. Nerve damage is possible, and then it wont feel good when she stimulates her vulva. You would have to use the appropriate wording for a five year old. Don't scare her though. To help prevent a fall, put anti slip matting on the floor of the tub, and perhaps on the bathroom floor as well. Make sure a bath mat wont slip easily.

Your concerns about her entering school are valid and are addressed in the above article. A conflict does arise when you try to raise a sexually healthy girl in our society, because society doesn't have healthy views on sexuality. The linked to article addresses this topic.

A friend who has been teaching children only a couple years was very concerned when she observed an eight year old girl in her class masturbating, and her attempts are distracting her were unsuccessful. She found out the girl has a history of doing this in prior classes. She had no idea that young girls masturbate, that they would even enjoy it. This tells me that while they may address childhood behavior in teaching school they are not addressing childhood sexuality. I sent her copies of the research articles mentioned in the above article to help her understand what sexual activities children are observed engaging in. I believe it is common for young children to be observed masturbating, but how a teacher feels and reacts is hard to predict. They probably haven't been taught what to expect or how to handle it. Your believes and expectations of your daughter may conflict with the teacher's and school's.

You are wanting your daughter to masturbate at a frequency that is appropriate or desirable for you, not her. The girl in the above article also masturbates frequently.

Your daughter is old enough, I believe, for the talk about appropriate touch in public. You might ask her if she has seen yourself and other adults masturbating in public? You can then explain that is because it is not acceptable behavior in public. Do not lose sight of the fact she is only five. I would not make a big deal out of her doing it in public, just find something more appropriate for her to do. Don't embarrass her, etc. I have not spent a lot of time around children but have seen several masturbating or exploring the sensitivity of their genitals in public. I have also seen adult women doing it, so don't be too harsh on your daughter.

I hope this advice is of help.

Question: Hi, I am a 15 year old boy and I have a 12 year old sister who apparently is very sexually curious. She one day asked me if she could see my penis because she simply wanted to know what it looked like. (knowing my sister, she is very curious and I believe her). In exchange, she offered to show me her vulva. I didn't know what to say and I said "I got to go, maybe later". Any suggestions?

Answer: While her curiosity is normal and nonsexual, you probably did the right thing. Your parents and other's may not approve if you did engage in show and tell with her. Others have engaged in this type of show and tell, but you could get in a lot of trouble if others find out. Keep in mind she is twelve and curious, and probably isn't interested in sex. You may be, but not her. A possible risk is she may seek to fulfill her curiosity in another way that could result in a bad experience. You might talk to her and acknowledge that her curiosity is appropriate but that you can't show her your penis, and why. You might try and find an age appropriate book about sex at the library for her to read.

Question: I was reading through your site, and I think there's a lot of very helpful information there. However, I still have a question that's been plaguing me for awhile now, concerning my ability to orgasm through masturbation.

When I was very young, around 5 or so, I learned that balling up a blanket or a pillow and rubbing it against my vagina (while fully clothed) felt good. That's how I masturbate now; however, I'm wondering if I've ever actually achieved orgasm from it. Usually, it'll feel good, and that feeling will increase to a certain point- then drop off entirely. There's no mind-blowing release, or anything like that. Also, if I keep up the stimulation constant, usually I can get past that feeling in under two minutes. Shouldn't it take longer for me to reach that point, if I really am experiencing orgasm?

I assume that rubbing against the blanket is providing indirect clitoral stimulation for me, but when I've tried just rubbing on, or around my clit with my fingers, I either don't feel anything, or it actually hurts. My boyfriend tried going down on me before, and the best I felt from that was just neutral- at the worst, it hurt when he sucked/licked directly on my clit.

Any advice as to what, if anything, is wrong with me?

Thank you very much for your help, this has been bothering me for several years now.

Answer: If you are not sure if you have had an orgasm then most likely you have not. It is kind of like sneezing, you know what they feel like, but it is hard to describe them. It is also like describing pain.

It sounds like you need to explore the process of sexual arousal. Rubbing your vulva against objects may produce a pleasant sensation but does this result in sexual arousal? You need to understand your sexual desire and how and if it results in sexual arousal or visa versa.

The lack of clitoral sensitivity or over sensitivity usually indicates a woman is not sexually aroused.

You need to discover what causes you to become sexually aroused and experience vaginal lubrication and blood engorgement of your vulva. You must understand this part of your sexuality before you can learn to experience orgasm.

If you don't know how to experience orgasm alone it is usually harder to experience orgasm with a partner, because you simply don't know how; even your body may not know how.

I am afraid don't know why some preadolescent girls experience orgasm and others do not, even if they masturbate in the same way.

Please see the information linked to below:

Female Sexual Desire

Female Sexual Arousal and Orgasm

I'm 16 years old and I can't get aroused.

Perception of Female Sexual Arousal and Desire

I never seem to feel the "release" that most women say they get from orgasm.

I'm 16, I've been masturbating for 6 month but I have never reached orgasm.

Should a girl 'know' and 'feel' her arousal when she is sexually aroused?