Question: When I masturbate or make love with my boyfriend, I always become too sensitive, so much so that it becomes unbearable, almost painful. The few times I have continued I feel desperate for the toilet and if I continued I have wet myself, and quite a lot. Is this pee? Have I come? All I feel is the relief you have after desperately needing the toilet. My boyfriend doesn't mind and is very supportive but it embarrasses me and I would like to be able to relax and enjoy our lovemaking properly. Can you shed any light on all this for me?

Answer: This is a common experience. The increased blood flow to the area and the muscle tension causes the sensations and sensitivity you experience. As far as the sensitivity, try using more lubrication, water based, and indirect stimulation. Leave your panties (knickers) on and massage your pubic mound and outer labia. You might also try rubbing your vulva against things, first with your cloths on, then just panties, then perhaps nude. Rub against a pillow, furniture, your boyfriends thigh, etc.

The urge to urinate is caused by the erectile tissues surrounding your urethra, part of your clitoris, swelling up with blood. The release of fluid you experience is normal for many women, but not all (Apparently all women ejaculate, many just are not aware of it or do not want to admit to it.) Empty your bladder before you start masturbating or make love. Put a couple towels on the bed or where ever you choose to do it. Then just literally go with the flow. When you feel the urge to urinate, push out and cry out vocally. Say "YES" for example, really loud. Do not fight the urge to urinate. Try to stay relaxed and give yourself permission to get things wet and messy.

For more information, read the section on Female Ejaculation.