Question: I have a question for you. I enjoy your site. I have learned much from it, and it has been a great guide for pleasure and stimulation from me to my girlfriend. The only problem is that she, I guess, refuses to have an orgasm. I have tried everything except sex. I have tried stimulation with my hands and my mouth, but every time she doesn't have one. Normally, she tells me to stop. She says that she can't take it anymore. She says it doesn't hurt. It just feels new to her, and she doesn't know how to handle it. She has never had an orgasm before, but I've done everything that I can and she still won't have one. I have done everything. I asked her if she wanted me to give her one, and she said that she did, but every time I try she stops me. She's enjoying it I know, but she's not having an orgasm. What can I do more to give her one? I have tried everything that I can think of. Should we wait? I'm sorry if this question seems dumb, but I don't know what else to do.

Answer: The best thing for you to do is stop trying to give her an orgasm. You need to learn to give her pleasure first. If she does not enjoy what you are doing, she will stop you and as a result not have an orgasm. You cannot force her to have an orgasm. I would recommend you just give her relaxing massages and experiment with caressing her breasts and vulva, perhaps over her cloths. Keep a steady dialog going with her. Ask her if she likes what you are doing or is she wants more or less pressure or speed. Put her in control of your actions. When she wants you to stop, do so and do not take it personally.

Find out if she knows how to masturbate to orgasm. If she does, ask her to show you how she does it. If she does not, encourage her to learn. Discuss her feelings towards masturbation. Do not put any pressure on her to masturbate. If she doesn't know how to masturbate, consider buying her the book "Sex for One" by Betty Dodson. You might also buy her a nice quality electric vibrator. It is really important that women know how to masturbate; it helps them to enjoy partner sex. Take it slow and try not to be so eager.

Please see the page Orgasm: Did She? for more information.