A Guide to Locating Your Vagina

A Potentially Stressful Search

The process of locating their vaginal orifice is quite challenging and stressful for some girls and women. They have been told they have a vagina but are unable to conceptualize and accept this as fact. "They have told me I have a vagina but I don't believe them." This belief may cause a young woman to experience considerable anxiety when it becomes necessary to insert fingers, tampons, specula, medication, or penises into their vagina. In some cases the inability to grasp the concept of having a vagina leads to a condition called vaginismus. When anxiety and/or vaginismus occurs it is not the fault of the young woman, rather the things she has learned and experienced in her lifetime.

Unseen, Unused, and Perhaps Unwanted

If you have never seen or used your vagina how can it possible exist? Unlike the urethral and anal orifices, which are used daily from birth onwards, the vagina usually goes unseen and unused for the first ten to thirteen years of a girl's life. Not until a girl experiences her first menstrual period (menarche) does she have much need for a vagina. When menstruation begins a young woman may want to use tampons for comfort, to feel grown up, or because of peer expectation or pressure; perhaps feeling everyone else is using them. The use of sanitary napkins allows some young women to postpone the necessity of confronting their vagina, but this is not the only motive behind their use. If a teen uses sanitary napkins she may not feel compelled to locate her vagina until it comes time for penetrative sex, which may not occur until she is in her twenties, or later.

The vagina is often shrouded in mystery. Far too often young girls are not taught to examine their vulva with a mirror, and the names and locations of all its different parts. In addition, a girl is not likely to see the vulva and vagina of others in use. A girl's mother and peers aren't likely to demonstrate the use of a tampon, or help a girl find her vagina. "That would be too icky." She is even less likely to learn from others the pleasures her vulva and vagina can provide during sexual activities, alone and with a partner. She is unlikely to see how easily objects can enter the vagina during sexual and nonsexual activities. Young women seldom have a knowledge base on which to draw when they seek to explore or use their vagina for the first time.

As a result of the negative messages they receive some girls may not want to have a vagina. If you only know of the pain associated with first intercourse and childbirth aren't you less likely to want to have a vagina? What if you don't want to be a woman because of their perceived role within your family and community, you are told sex is for a man's pleasure and a woman merely submits to it dutifully, or the idea of partnered sex frightens you or sounds unpleasant? If you are uncomfortable with the idea of having a vagina or with being a woman aren't you less likely to find a vagina when you go looking for one?

But There is No Hole!

The common perception is that there is a "hole down there" that tampons and penises magically find their way into. The following two images demonstrate what we may expect the vaginal "opening" to look like. In these images there appears to be a "dark hole" for things to enter into, and as some fear, get lost.

In the above images the vulva and vagina have been drawn open by the woman's hands, and she may be using her pelvic and abdominal muscles in a way that opens the vaginal passage further. These vaginas are not shown in their normal relaxed and closed state. We may come to expect the vagina to be an open space within the body because of the way it is frequently portrayed in illustrations used to show the anatomy of a woman's reproductive organs, as in the example shown below.

From the book Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving
Authors: William M. Masters, M.D., Virginia E. Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.
Copyright 1982, 1985, Little, Brown and Company
ISBN: 0-316-54998-3

Revealing the Hidden Passage

The following four images demonstrate what a young women is more likely to see when she examines her vulva in hopes of locating her vagina. The same vulva is shown in each image, but its appearance changes significantly depending on how and if the labia are spread apart. In none of these images is the vaginal orifice obvious to the observer; there is no hole or opening. The irregular shape of the tissues does a good job of concealing the vaginal orifice.

A woman may expect the tissues around her vaginal orifice to be perfectly smooth, as they are shown in anatomy illustrations. The internal walls of the vagina are not smooth, they have lots of bumps and ridges, as shown in the following photograph. They form during puberty, as a result of increased estrogen levels, and exist because the vagina must be elastic enough to permit the insertion of an erect penis and the passage of a full term baby. These bumps and ridges are visible at the vaginal orifice in many women. This irregular surface can make it difficult to find the vaginal orifice.

The following collection of photographs reveal what the vaginal orifice and/or vestibule looks like in several women. A copy of each photo is shown with the some of the anatomical structures identified.

In the above photograph the woman has a pronounced urethral orifice. In most of the photographs the urethral orifice is not clearly visible and you cannot easily determine its location.

In the above photograph a thick ring of hymeneal tissue is visible, as indicated by the light pink edges of the tissue (inside the black circle); I believe the woman has engaged in vaginal intercourse. In some women this remaining hymeneal tissue impairs vaginal penetration or causes pain when objects are inserted into the vagina. In a very small percentage of women minor surgery is necessary to remove this barrier to penetration and pleasurable intercourse.

The photo shown above demonstrates how the mucous membranes of the
vulva look very much the same even if a woman has dark colored skin.

Exploring Uncharted Territory

Many women have never explored their vulva and have no idea what to expect when they do, and the idea of examining their vulva may cause considerable anxiety. This unfamiliarity with their body may result in emotional distress when they explore sex alone and with a partner. It also presents a problem in that they don't know the normal and healthy characteristics of their vulva, which vary from vulva to vulva. For health reasons it is important for a woman to know what is normal for her, and to monitor her vulvar health on a regular basis. Caring for your body becomes much more difficult if you don't know how things normally look, feel, smell, and even taste.

If a woman is to locate her vaginal orifice she must first identify the surrounding structures. Locating the clitoris and labia has been addressed in the Q&A section of the website, and many more examples of the vulva can be seen in the Body Image section of the website. The structure and function of the vulva is addressed in the article about the anatomy of the vulva.

The space between the inner labia is called the vestibule. Within this space are the urethral and vaginal orifices. As the above images clearly demonstrate, this area may appear to be bumpy, soft, and moist without any obvious openings or orifices. The tissue in this area is not regular skin but rather mucous membrane. This mucous membrane will appear and feel the same as the inside of your cheek; soft, warm, and wet. Some women are hesitant to touch this tissue, as a result of negative feelings that have developed from messages received during childhood and adolescence. If as young girls they had been taught to rinse their vulva using their hands and plain water they would be accustomed to the feel of these tissues and this aversion is unlikely to exist.

Strong & Flexible!

In some ways the vulva and vagina are delicate but overall they are strong and flexible. Their soft and delicate appearance can be misleading, even though they are designed for the acts of sexual intercourse and the birth of a baby. I don't believe anyone would describe the process of childbirth as kind and gentle. With very few exceptions the vagina will stretch to accommodate the passage of a baby's head, which can be nearly four inches (9.5 cm) in diameter. This means a finger, tampon, and erect penis will fit easily inside the vagina, after appropriate preparations. When the birth canal is too narrow to allow for the passage of a baby it is most often caused by the bones of the pelvis being too close together, or the baby being too large. Rarely is the vagina and hymen too small for a single finger or tampon to enter into them, even in virgins. If menstrual blood is flowing out then there is a passage that will stretch to accommodate the insertion of a lubricated finger or tampon applicator.

The Truth About Hymens

The hymen has no actual functional purpose despite the significance it is assigned by society. It is excess tissue left over from when the vaginal orifice forms during fetal development. The hymen is usually very thin during childhood but during puberty the increasing levels of estrogen may cause it to enlarge and thicken. Frequently it is stretched open during childhood or adolescence without the girl or woman knowing, but in a small percentage of women it can be a major obstacle to vaginal penetration. That is why it is important to examine the vulva to see if a hymen is present and resistant to stretching prior to attempting vaginal penetration of any kind. I would advice against waiting until after a failed attempt at vaginal intercourse before looking for your hymen. You can learn more about the hymen in the anatomy section of the website by clicking here.

A major misconception is that the hymen is a major obstacle to vaginal penetration. It is reported to be a gate that must be forcibly torn apart before anything can enter the vagina. Young women are often told this will be a bloody and painful experience. This is an ineffective attempt at keeping girls virgins until marriage, as some believe no woman should want to experience this until absolutely necessary, overlooking a woman's innate sex drive. Understandably, this message sometimes results in young women being afraid to insert objects into their vagina.

A survey on this website reveals approximately 50% (1 out of every 2) women experience blood loss the first time they engage in vaginal intercourse, and it is usually a very small amount. While the majority experience some discomfort or pain it is not often extremely painful. On a scale of 1 to 10, women report the pain was a 4 on average. The discomfort or pain they experienced may have been caused by the stretching of the vaginal and pelvic muscles and insufficient vaginal lubrication, rather than the stretching or tearing of their hymen, but 30% recall feeling their hymen tear.

The Pelvic Muscles

Healthy muscles are always strong and flexible, and this applies equally to the muscles of the pelvic outlet. We gain strong and flexible muscles through stretching and exercise. If the pelvic muscles are not strong and flexible they will not function correctly and sex will not be as enjoyable as it could be. This is because orgasm will be less intense, and the amount of friction during intercourse will be too great or little. You can learn how to control and develop your pelvic muscles by doing Kegel exercises, as described in the article about a woman's first experience of vaginal intercourse.

We must take note of the fact that for the majority of women the pelvic and vaginal muscles do not experience or permit penetration for at least the first twelve years of their life; based on the survey about masturbation of this website. The pelvic muscles must "learn" how be penetrated and "allow" objects to enter the body rather than instantly being ready the first time a woman engages in vaginal intercourse, or inserts a tampon. The pelvic muscles of most women are going to provide firm resistance to penetration that can be overcome with patience and skill. The use of force is not required or necessary and can actually cause vaginismus to develop.

There are women who have pelvic muscles that are normally very relaxed so they are able to insert objects into their vagina without effort or discomfort. The first time they engage in intercourse they may expect some discomfort but their partner's penis slips in effortlessly, and they experience neither pain nor pleasure. Others have a medical condition called vaginismus that results in their pelvic muscles contracting so tightly that it is impossible for even the smallest object to enter their vagina, and they experience pain that exceeds their expectations. Interestingly enough, both experiences may produce significant anxiety, as the woman's expectations of her first experience of intercourse are not met.

Deborah Sundahl in her book Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot says women can test the strength of their pelvic muscles by placing a peeled ripe banana inside a plastic sandwich bag and carefully inserting the banana into their vagina. If your pelvic muscles are in good condition you should be able to contract your pelvic muscles and divide the banana into two pieces. But this is getting ahead of ourselves, as we have yet to find your vaginal orifice.

You can see illustrations that show the location of these muscles by clicking here.

No Pain!

The exercises described below should not cause physical discomfort or pain. You will be locating your existing vaginal orifice, which means you will not be forcibly creating an opening in your body. You are simply going to learn how to use your vagina, not create one. If you experience pain during these exercises you are doing something incorrectly, or there is a possible medical condition that needs to be addressed.

Several young women have written to say they find it painful when they try to insert a finger into their vagina. It is my believe that most of them were pressing or pushing in the wrong place or direction, or were not adequately lubricated, as I doubt their anatomy and the function of their body is different from that of their peers. They may have been blindly trying to poke a hole into their vulva. If they had had access to the information presented below it is far less likely they would have experienced this pain.

No Poking!

When trying to locate your vaginal orifice, if you start poking blindly you may needlessly cause yourself pain, as the vulvar tissues can be very sensitive to touch. There are bones underlying some areas of the vulva, and if you press too hard on them you may crush the overlaying soft tissues causing pain. Any discomfort or pain may cause the pelvic muscles to contract painfully, as a defensive mechanism. If your pelvic muscles contract this will create a barrier to penetration that is as hard as bone, and be impenetrable. The contraction of these muscles may cause intense pain even if you are not touching your vulva or vagina. Your pelvic muscles may also contract if you are uncomfortable with the idea of exploring your body, or fear causing yourself injury and pain. In this case it is necessary to address your emotional discomfort before exploring vaginal penetration, so that you don't cause yourself physical discomfort.

In the exercises described below I recommend you use the flat of your index finger rather than the tip when exploring your vulva. This is because you don't want potentially long or sharp fingernails pressing into your delicate tissues. There is also no need to force anything into your body. Doing so is more likely to cause pain than reveal your vaginal orifice. You want to find the "path of least resistance" and allow your finger to slip inside your vagina. If there is no path of least resistance, then your pelvic muscles are in contraction, and you need to find out why, or at least learn how to relax them. If your pelvic muscles are in contraction the door to your vagina is locked shut, metaphorically and physically. Force will not overcome this barrier, but rather reinforce it.

Identifying the Cause of Pain

My advise on this website has always been that if you experience pain then you should stop doing whatever it is that you are doing, as your mind and/or body are telling you that it could be harmed or is being harmed. I know girls and women are told it should hurt when an object enters their vagina for the first time, but blindly accepting this advise can cause harm. While the majority of women experience some degree of pain or discomfort the first time they engage in intercourse there is no arbitrary amount that is acceptable versus unacceptable. If your personal pain threshold is met or exceeded then it is best to stop. I highly recommend finding a cause and a solution rather than accepting pain as a normal part of vaginal penetration, because it isn't.

If you should experience pain you will want to determine if the pain originates on or below the surface of the tissues that you are touching, so that you can determine a possible cause. If you are unfamiliar with your vulva, as just about everyone reading this article will be, you may have trouble identifying the origin of this pain. You will likely have to explore and experiment with the aid of a mirror. You will want to move your fingers around and try different types of "light" touch and pressure. You should not be pushing or pressing your fingers against your vulva; there is no need to. You will also want to ensure your vulva is well lubricated to prevent the possibility of causing frictional irritation. This exploration will need to be unhurried and take place in a safe environment so your pelvic muscles don't contract, as a result of your feeling vulnerable.

If the location of the pain is the point of contact between your finger and vestibule, but you are not applying pressure, then you may have vestibulitis, which is a generic term used to describe inflammation of the vestibule. If lightly touching the area of your vestibule with a lubricated cotton swap (Q-Tip) causes you discomfort or pain then this may confirmed this diagnosis, but you still need to consult a doctor for a formal diagnosis. Vestibulitis is a common medical condition, but unfortunately it can be challenging to find a cause and cure. Penetration should not be attempted until a cure is found. I advise against the use of a numbing agent, even if prescribed by a doctor, as it only masks the problem, and the pressure and friction caused by penetration may cause the problem to become worse.

If sharp pain originates below the point of contact and spreads out beyond the point of contact, perhaps making you feel as if you have to urinate or have a bowel movement, then your pelvic muscles could be involuntarily contracting, which may mean you have vaginismus. Vaginismus means there is an inability to insert objects into the vagina without experiencing discomfort or pain. There are numerous causes for this medical condition. If this is the first time you have tried to insert an object into your vagina the cause of this muscular contraction could be mild anxiety that will be resolved with practice, patience, and experience. The presenting symptoms of vaginismus vary greatly from individual to individual, and penetration is impossible until a cure is found.

If you locate a hymen with a narrow orifice when you do the visual exam of your vulva then you may feel it stretch as your finger passes through it. If you are patient then you don't need to cause yourself unnecessary discomfort or pain. You can quickly learn when you have stretched your hymen as far it is willing, as the onset of discomfort will signal you have reached that point. Unless you have an unusually thick hymen it will slowly stretch as you gently apply pressure, not force, during repeated sessions of exploration that occur over a period of time; perhaps spanning several days to weeks. Accepting pain and repeated experiences of pain may cause vaginismus to develop, as a result of a rigid or sensitive hymen.

Locating the Urethral Orifice

In order to locate the vaginal orifice it will be helpful to know the location of the urethral orifice and fourchette, because the vaginal orifice is located between them. If you are trying to find your vagina you may wonder why it is so important to find your urethral orifice. There are two reasons. The first is that the urethral meatus can be extremely sensitive to touch and pressure. In some women it is more sensitive to touch than the clitoris and vagina. They may masturbate by stimulating their urethral meatus or find it enjoyable when their partner stimulates this area with their fingers or tongue. The female prostate gland, commonly known as the G-Spot, is located in this area, and is the likely cause of this sensitivity. The second reason is that directly above and behind it, under the skin and soft tissues, lies the pubic bone. If you press against the urethral meatus you may experience intense pain, as you will be crushing these sensitive tissues against your pubic bone.

The urethral orifice can be just as hidden from view as the vaginal orifice, and simply looking at your vulva may not reveal its location. Perhaps the easiest way to locate your urethral orifice is to closely observe your vulva while you urinate. Some may be able to do this by holding a small mirror in a suitable position while seated on a toilet or bidet, but many will find it easier if they squat or sit down inside their shower or tub. Urine is not harmful or dirty, if a woman is healthy, and while urinating in the shower or tub may sound gross, it isn't. When done with this exercise you simply rinse the shower or tub out with clean water.

You may want to do this in the morning when your bladder is full, or prior to a bathe or shower. If you do this in the shower or tub you will be able to lay the mirror on the bottom of the shower or tub, leaving both of your hands free to hold your inner and outer labia open. When you are positioned to see your vestibule in the mirror start releasing urine from your bladder. If you cannot see where the urine exits your body then adjust the position of your labia. Contracting and relaxing your abdominal and/or pelvic muscles may cause the location of your urethral meatus to change. You may need to perform this exercise several times to find the urethral orifice, or to overcome any apprehension or anxiety the activity may cause. Some women may enjoy doing this for fun, and to learn about their body. It would be a good idea to do this repeatedly until you feel comfortable doing it, as this will likely make finding your vaginal orifice much easier. It may also become an enjoyable morning ritual, even if you don't observe your vulva on every occasion.

The photographs shown below reveal what a woman may see when she observes her vulva while urinating. In the photo shown on the left the point where the stream of urine is exiting the body is clearly visible. In this photo take note of how close the urethral orifice is to the vaginal orifice. The vagina begins immediately below the point where the urine is flowing from her body. This is because the urethra is located within the wall of the vagina. The urethra and vagina are a single organ rather than two separate ones. In some women the urethra will be located a little further away from the vagina and in others it will be even closer, and appear to be inside the vagina. This later situation may cause some women to believe they urinate through their vagina. In the image on the right a small amount of urine is holding the urethral orifice open allowing us to clearly see its location.

Learning the Path of Least Resistance

To help prevent pain from occurring here is an exercise that may help. Before trying to locate your vaginal orifice by feel do the following. Make a fist with one hand and turn it so your thumb and index finger are facing towards you. Your thumb and index finger should form a circular shape. Now using the flat, not the tip, of your second index finger press softly against this circular structure. Move your finger around the circular shape while pressing softly and then gently. You should note that some areas are soft and others are hard. The hardness is caused by the underlying bones in your hand. If you move your finger towards the center of this circular ring you should notice the tissues are softer and more yielding. Now clench your fist tighter and try to press the flat of your finger into your fist. It doesn't go in easily does it? Now relax your fist and try it again. Notice the difference? This demonstrates what it may be like when your pelvic muscles are relaxed versus tense. Your hymen is made up of soft tissue and wont feel hard even if it resists penetration. Now repeat this exercise after wetting your index finger with saliva. When your finger is lubricated there should be much less friction between your finger and hand, allowing your finger to enter your fist much easier than when the tissues were dry.

Simulating the Sensitive
and Moist Vulvar Tissues

The intense sensations resulting from touching and stimulation of sensitive tissues can be overwhelming, or even scary, especially coming from "down there." These intense sensations could be mistakenly classified as pain rather than pleasure if you are not accustomed to touching your vulva. An exercise that may be helpful in avoiding this situation is to explore your lips and mouth. They are equally soft and sensitive to touch. Explore your lips with your finger in the manner described above and take note of the sensations you experience. They may be pleasant and tingly. Take note of the softness. Try different pressures and observe how the underlying teeth and jaw bones feel. If you press too hard you will experience pain. Now if you open your mouth a little and roll your lips back, and cover your teeth with them, you will create an approximation of a vulva. The sensitive lips of your mouth being like your labia and the inside of your cheeks being like the soft mucous membrane of your vestibule and vagina. Slip your finger into your mouth and take note of the softness, warmth, and wetness of the tissues on the inside of your cheeks. Now close your eyes and imagine that you are exploring your vulva. Use saliva to lubricate your lips and repeat.

Following the Flow

There is another exercise that may help a girl or woman locate her vaginal orifice. If you have had at least one menstrual period then you can jump to the conclusion that there is a vaginal passage that extends between your cervix, the bottom portion of your uterus, and your vulva. Without this passage menstrual blood, menses, would never have appeared at your vulva. The point where the menses exits your body is the location of your vaginal orifice.

It may be helpful to imagine the flow of this fluid from your uterus to your vulva. This is the one time when menstrual cramps and uterine tension may be beneficial, as they indicate the place inside you where the fluid originates. Now connecting your uterus to your vulva may be a bit of a challenge, as nothing has stimulated your vagina to make you aware of it, unless of course you experience a vaginal ache and muscular tension during sexual arousal. Still, this is no better than trying to envisioning your stomach and intestines when you have an upset stomach and experience cramping.

What may help is a visit our website called 3DVulva.com, as it allows you to see your anatomy three dimensionally. Flat two dimensional images are not of much help when you are trying to envision the organs inside your body. While rotating the 3D animation models around their axis, examine your body and try to envision these organs inside you. Don't worry if this exercise doesn't work all that well for you, as long as you are able to accept that you have a vagina and know its general location within you.

Since the point at which the menses leaves your body indicates the location of your vaginal orifice, examining your vulva while menstruating is the next possible exercise for those who are willing and able. It would be great if all women felt comfortable with their menstrual fluid and the sight of blood but I know this isn't the case. Overcoming any aversion you may have to this fluid is beyond the scope of this article. If you are very uncomfortable with menstruation or blood please skip the next two paragraphs.

For those of you still reading jump in the shower or tub on your heaviest flow day, usually the first day of your period, with a mirror. Now rinse your vulva thoroughly with clean water and then pat it dry with a dry wash cloth or new sanitary napkin. Then squat down, spread your labia, and examine your vulva in the mirror. Observe your vulva and look for the first signs of menses appearing. Now it may seep out between some small folds or bumps rather than an obvious orifice or opening. Try to envision the path the menses has taken to get from your uterus to your vulva.

Now lightly press the flat of your lubricated, you can use saliva, index finger against the point where the menses appears. While lightly pressing the flat of your finger against this point try to get your finger to follow the path that the menses has taken out of your body. Don't use force if your finger doesn't slip effortlessly inside your vagina, or you experience pain. Some women may need to repeat this exercise several times, or may enjoy doing it as a means of exploring their femininity. It is best to do this when you can relax and take your time. If you are not able to insert your finger into your vagina during this exercise don't be concerned.

Locating the Fourchette

The second structure you will want to identify before locating your vaginal orifice is your fourchette. This is the point where the outer labia come together below the vestibule. It is the forward edge of the perineum, the flat area between the anus and vagina that may be covered with varying amounts of hair. It is the point labeled "Posterior Labial Commissure" in the image shown below. Some women mistakenly press their finger or a tampon against this area when trying to insert them into their vagina. Your fourchette does not perform any particular function, it is simply an anatomical landmark. When inserting your finger into your vagina make sure it is resting on the mucous membranes within the vestibule and not against the perineum.

Are You Truly Ready?

Before locating your vaginal orifice it would be beneficial if you can examine your vulva in a mirror and identify all the various parts, if you feel comfortable touching your vulva while bathing and when applying body or massage oil, if you are able to masturbate to orgasm using clitoral stimulation while looking at your vulva in a mirror, and if you can observe your vulva while urinating and menstruating. Being able to sleep nude and walk about while undressed inside your home when you are there alone will help demonstrate you don't feel it necessary to hide your body from yourself, and possibly others. If you were raised in a healthy environment you would already engage in these activities as a natural part of your daily life, as you cared for your body and explored and embraced your sexuality.

Being able to engage in these activities without anxiety is highly beneficial and significantly increases the likelihood of locating your vagina, but does not guarantee it. For some women being able to do all these activities does not mean their pelvic muscles will allow objects to enter their vagina, as in case of women with vaginismus.

Some cases of vaginismus are the result of women not learning how to engage in these activities, or their childhood living environment prevented them from doing so. Being able to engage in these activities demonstrates normal and healthy sexual development and ensures a woman can care for her body and enjoy her sexuality. Not being able to to engage in the activities described above and insert objects into your vagina increases the chances of you experiencing vaginismus.

A Finger Slides Inside

Locating your vagina involves putting all the skills and information you have learned to use. First you place the flat of your lubricated index finger against the area of your vestibule between your urethral orifice and fourchette. Now press very softly against this area and seek out your vagina by means of the path of least resistance. Move your finger in a slow circular motion within the area between your urethral orifice and fourchette; the size of this area will vary from woman to woman. If your finger isn't gliding effortlessly over these tissues apply additional lubrication; never do this without plenty of lubrication, your vulva should be dripping wet.

If you located a hymen during your earlier explorations keep in mind the location of the opening(s) and consider the best angle to slip your finger into or behind it. If your hymen is like the one shown on this website, then you may need to slide your finger in from above before attempting to press inward towards your vagina, as it will prevent direct access to your vagina.

As when you experimented with your closed fist, seek out the path of least resistance, and stop pressing if you feel resistance, discomfort, or pain. If you cannot find a path of least resistance your pelvic muscles are likely in contraction, or you are pressing against your pubic bones. If this occurs, imagine you want to stop the flow of urine from your bladder and contract the muscles of your pelvic outlet. Squeeze your pelvic muscles, relax them, then try again. If you cannot feel the muscles contract then you haven't learned how to control them yet, or they are in a constant state of contraction. Some women are reported to have pelvic muscles that are always in a state of contraction, which is a very unhealthy state for them to be in, and increases the likelihood of urinary tract infections (UTI), because the bladder is never able to fully empty.

Another technique to try is imagining you want to push your finger out of your vagina rather than receive it in. Tighten your pelvic muscles, as if you are wanting to push your finger out, then relax your pelvic muscles to receive your finger in. Squeeze, relax, receive your finger inside, repeat. Place a hand on your stomach to monitor your stomach muscles and ensure they "do not" tighten when you contract your pelvic muscles. Your stomach muscles should always remain relaxed, as should all the muscles of your body. If you hands and feet are clenched, time to stop relax, collect yourself, and if necessary, continue another day; don't rush things.

Your vagina angles back towards the small of your back. This necessitates that your finger follow an arc when entering your body. Bend your index finger as if you were trying to form the letter "C" with it and your thumb. The desired arcing motion occurs when you rotate your hand at the wrist. Rotate your wrist and hand rather than pushing in with only your finger. If you push in with your finger it will tend to straighten out and will not follow the natural curve and path of your vagina. You have to envision your vagina angling back towards the small of your back, not straight in, up, or down. If you feel resistance then you are not following the natural path of your vagina, or need to use additional lubrication.

If your finger enters into your vagina, then wiggle it slowly in a circular motion while continuing to seek out the passage of least resistance. You will feel the bumps and ridges that make up the walls of your vagina. Your pelvic muscles will be located about 1 inch (2.5 cm) inside your vagina. Beyond them your vagina should open up, as it enlarges to accommodate your cervix. Your vagina will be about the same length as your index finger, and you will most likely be able to touch your cervix. Your cervix will feel smooth, and as firm as the tip of your nose. You will be able to move your finger to the front and back of your cervix, allowing your finger to enter a little further into your vagina. In the center of your cervix you will feel a small circular dimple, your cervical orifice; also called the cervical os. Some women find their cervix very sensitive to touch, perhaps painfully so.

Moving on to Bigger Things

Once you learn to insert one finger into your vagina you can use it to prepare your pelvic and vaginal muscles for the insertion of larger objects. When your finger is inserted into your vagina imagine your vagina is at the center of a clock. Gently but firmly press your finger towards each number on the clock face, in an outward direction. Keep in mind your pelvic bones will be in the twelve o'clock direction, so your vagina will not stretch in that direction, and you may cause yourself pain if you press your vagina against it, crushing your urethra. Your pelvic muscles, located about 1 inch (2.5 cm) inside, will likely provide the greatest resistance to stretching. Repeatedly squeeze and relax your pelvic muscles, and apply additional lubrication if things do not feel slippery. Go slow and remember to stay relaxed, breath in and out in full breaths, and have fun. Don't rush things. Have fun and explore.

Once you can insert a single finger you can try inserting a "lubricated" tampon applicator. If you are not menstruating it would be unwise to actually insert a tampon, as it will absorb the little moisture that is present, and dry out your vagina, causing friction and pain when the tampon is removed. This subject is addressed on the page about tampon insertion and use.

Those who have access to phallic shaped objects like dildos and butt plugs may be able to dilate their vagina using them. Butt plugs are nice in that they have a tapered shape and a base to hold onto. When inserting these objects use plenty of lubrication and only apply the pressure generated by "one finger," not your entire hand or arm. Repeat the squeeze and relax technique mentioned above, and push the object out and then receive it in, and repeat. Once you can insert the object as far as your vagina and cervix will allow you tom try leaving it in place for 15 to 20 minutes, allowing your body to become accustomed to the constant dilation. Perhaps you can relax and read a book, or masturbate. You should repeat this exercise until you can insert an object equal in diameter to an erect penis, 1 1/2 inches (3.8 cm), or slightly larger, if you are wanting to explore intercourse.

Notes on Vaginismus

Anxiety, a natural defensive mechanism, results in women who are experiencing vaginismus from attempting vaginal penetration. Women who experience vaginismus are much less likely to be able to perform the exercises described above, as a result of the anxiety caused by the mere thought of doing them. Failed attempts at vaginal penetration that were physically and/or emotionally painful can create a significant barrier to finding a solution.

The advise provided above is likely to be of help to a small percentage of women with vaginismus, those who don't experience anxiety at the thought of exploring their body and vaginal penetration, or who have a partner who is able to provide the appropriate support and guidance, as they participate in the described exercises together. While the partner of a woman with vaginismus may able to perform the described exercises with her, she may experience an anxiety attack when they do, which means they must go extremely slowly, and stop if and when she does experience anxiety. It is my understanding that most women with vaginismus will need the help and guidance of a "trained and experienced" health professional.

You can learn more about vaginismus at the following websites:

Vaginismus-Awareness-Network.org

Women's Therapy Center

Orifice: a stretchable opening that is normally closed