You Are Not Alone
If you are not experiencing orgasm during your sexual activities you may believe there is no common ground between you and your peers. This may cause you to feel alone and isolated, with no one to turn to for guidance and support. You most likely have been led to believe everyone else is experiencing mind-blowing orgasms every time they participate in a sexual activity. The information we receive from the mass media does appear to indicate all women are highly orgasmic. Sex scenes in popular movies show orgasm occurring effortlessly for all women in a matter of seconds. In movies, women experience orgasm in what amounts to five to thirty seconds of passionate sexual activity. This often becomes our expectation of a perfect woman and wonderfully fulfilling sex. We are shown fantasy but take it to be reality. In reality your peers experience sexual challenges too, in one form or another. Four out of every ten women report some degree of sexual dissatisfaction.
The vast majority, dare I say all, women will know what it is like to be unable to experience orgasm at some point in their life. The woman who does not experience it is so rare she is more a product of fantasy than reality. When this orgasmic impairment occurs, how often, and the duration of each occurrence varies from woman to woman. As an example, a woman's menstrual cycle may cause her to be unable to experience orgasm at regular and frequent intervals because of hormonal changes within her body. From my perspective, taking into consideration the questions and comments I receive, orgasmic impairment is a very common occurrence.
Orgasmic impairment does not discriminate based on age, race, ethnicity, religion, education, or sexual orientation, experience, or inexperience. Certain life situations and experiences certainly increase the likelihood of it occurring but no one is exempt from it. While we may attribute this situation solely to adult women, increasingly it is teens who are feeling abnormal. While lesbian sex is more likely to include and focus on clitoral stimulation, they experience it too, as do women with and without partners, women with more than one partner, and women in short and long term relationships. The well educated and financially secure are no more immune than are the less educated and impoverished. Sexual experience, in absence of orgasm, can actually become an ever-increasing hindrance, because of greater feelings of personal frustration and failure, and the possibility of decreasing emotional and physical intimacy with your partner. If you are pre-orgasmic, or presently unable to experience orgasm, you are not a member of an exclusive group but rather an inclusive one. You are not alone.
Finding Answers
I will not profess to know the "10 Easy Steps to Orgasm." Given the diversity of women and their individual experiences, there is no single solution to learning how to be an orgasmic woman. This is very much an individual journey. The path you take will depend on the path you are traveling now and the subsequent paths you choose. Do not attempt to be like other women, or your perception of them, as this could very well be your primary obstacle to overcome. Discovering how other women have learned to be orgasmic may assist you in your journey, but it is unlikely to provide a clear and easy roadmap to success.
For many women, the answer lies simply in giving yourself permission to be a sexual being, and by taking possession of your sexuality. You need to define your sexuality rather than allowing others to do it for you. For most, it is not a question of creating your sexuality but accepting it in its current form. The problem may not be your body and sexuality, but rather what you have been attempting to do with or to them. Learning to accept and celebrate your sexuality may be as simple as reading through this website to gain a greater understanding of your body and sexuality.
You may want to immerse yourself in sexual women and their experiences rather than avoiding them, as most women have been taught. Instead of shunning sexual women you will want to join them. Allow sexual women to teach you how to be sexual. Visiting the websites created by sexual women may be of assistance in doing so. You will find links to some of their websites in the links section.
Learn the rewards of being a sexual woman, and how being one is not only normal but extremely desirable. Learning to appreciate masturbation as a positive female experience may be done by reading through the many masturbation experiences and techniques women have shared. Learning to love your vulva may be achieved by learning about your anatomy and viewing the photographs of the vulva presented on this website.
While female orgasmic impairment was once thought to always be psychological in origin, many medical causes are now being discovered. Factors like stress, medication, prescription birth control, reproductive and emotional health, hormone imbalances, heart disease, insufficient and excessive body fat, and many other factors can all influence a woman's orgasmic and sexual potential regardless of age. These factors can start influencing your sexuality when you are a teenager, though most associate them only with maturity. If you started taking prescription medication like birth control or antidepressants, or had a preexisting medical condition prior to learning to experience orgasm, it could be impossible to predict their influence on your individual experience, even if your doctor claims otherwise. Your sexual pleasure is greatly influenced by your overall health.
The Battle Between Mind and Body
When we are born, orgasm is a reflex response to sexual stimulation. If our body experiences sufficient sexual stimulation and as a result sexual tension develops, we will experience orgasm, but as we grow older orgasm becomes a conditional response. All the negative feelings and ideas we have learned from society about our body, masturbation, and partnered sex influence our thoughts and actions. As adults we have certain expectations and believes that control our actions. Our mind creates conditions that allow us to be sexual and experience sexual pleasure only when they are first satisfied.
Note: Scientists may have measured the "wall," the barrier to orgasm that many preorgasmic women experience.
It is no longer simply, we caress our genitals because it feels good and as a result we have an orgasm. We now think about what we are doing and know that we are engaging in a sexual activity. We are intentionally masturbating, or engaging in partnered sex, because we want to experience pleasure and orgasm. While on a conscious level we may want to experience pleasure and orgasm, on a subconscious level we may be saying no because of what we have learned throughout life. On a less subconscious level, guilt can be a barrier to pleasure and orgasm. This means that while our body is saying yes, our brain can be saying no, and are denied orgasm. It is important to get our mind and body working together.
A twenty-year-old woman is not as fortunate as a newborn girl, as she knows what sex and masturbation are and what is expected of and denied her by her family and community. She knows social and family views on female sexuality, pleasure, partnered sex, masturbation, and her body. These are more often than not negative and cloudy views that impair her ability to be sexual and experience sexual pleasure. She is less likely to be totally uninhibited about touching and stimulating her body, unlike a two-year-old who may undress and proceed to masturbate in front of others without the slightest inhibition. An adult woman may have a sexual partner and peers who have their own expectations of her sexuality, ones that conflict with her genuine needs and wants. Women are often raised to believe they will achieve fulfillment while making personal sacrifices that fulfill the wants of others, while suppressing and ignoring their own needs. It is for these reasons, and many more, that adult women and teenagers experience a barrier to sexual pleasure and orgasm that did not exist at birth.
The knowledge you have gained throughout your life may impair your ability to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. If you had received positive and accurate information about your sexuality and body it is unlikely you would be reading this article today. The extent this prior knowledge and experience are a hindrance depends on several factors. The amount of pressure placed on you to conform to gain and maintain the acceptance of your family and peers, whether your peers, mother, and female role models were and are openly sexual, whether they support your sexuality, your age at the onset of your sex drive and it intensity, and when and if you had access to accurate and positive information about your body and sexuality all influence your sexuality today. The longer your sexual development is delayed and distorted the greater the barrier to orgasm likely is.
Use It or Lose It!
A possible disadvantage a twenty-year-old woman may experience that a newborn girl would not is the fact that the nerve pathways that carry sexual stimuli to her brain have lain dormant her entire life. What happens when we do not use a body part for an extended period of time? It shrinks, becomes unresponsive, and perhaps unusable. An example being a broken leg or arm that is kept in a cast for an extended period of time. On the otherhand, the more we exercise and train our body the better it performs and the healthier it is. This is equally true of our sexual organs, which includes our brain.
Given that society's position is often that girls and women have a "vagina" they may believe there is nothing "down there" for them to be aware of. Their vulva has been off limits and they simply learn to ignore it, or wish they did not have one; they are after all expected to have penis envy. While boys and men are encouraged to hold their penis while urinating a girl's or woman's hand should never come in direct contact with her reportedly "dirty" vulva, they should always be separated by toilet paper, a wash cloth, or clothing. These factors may cause a woman's brain to disconnect from her vulva and clitoris, as if they were not physically connected to her body, as she may wish they were not.
If a woman's clitoris has gone unused for twenty years is it reasonable to believe it will work as well as one that had been used daily? Are the physical and chemical processes necessary for arousal and orgasm likely to be in full working order? What about the pelvic muscles that contract during orgasm? Will the blood vessels be able to carry the necessary amount of blood to permit genital engorgement and vaginal lubrication? Our physical and mental abilities adapt much more rapidly when we are infants and toddlers. Who then is likely to have an easier time learning to masturbate to orgasm, a toddler or an adult woman?
It Takes Nerve!
If a woman is not permitted or encouraged to be orgasmic until she is twenty-years-old there is the possiblity that the nerves that carry sexual stimulation to the brain are not fully developed, or they are weakened by lack of use. If this is true, the nerves may not be able to carry signals, electrical impulses, to the brain unless they are intense. A woman may be sensitive to intense stimulation, i.e. pain, but not gentle sexual stimulation; the line between pain and pleasure is very narrow. Her clitoris and arm may have the same degree of sensitivity, even if her clitoris does have a significantly greater concentration of nerve endings. Before she will be able to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm she must develop those sexual nerve pathways so they can carry subtle nerve impulses to the brain. A strong connection between her clitoris and brain must be formed and developed.
This requires frequent caressing of the clitoris and vulva so as to stimulate and activate the nerve pathways. Like a path through the woods, it is much easier to follow the more it is used. This is why it is necessary to explore and discover pleasure before you can experience orgasm, keeping in mind exploration is often a time consuming process. Numerous nerve impulses may have to travel from a woman's clitoris and vulva to her brain before they do so easily. Her brain may need to process numerous nerve impulses before it can do so efficiently, or even knows how to process them.
From a sexual perspective, a woman may need to crawl before she can walk, then run. The first orgasm is usually the most challenging to achieve, unless of course it occurs by total surprise. The more orgasms a woman has, the easier they occur, in the majority of women. There is a simple rule, "The more sexual a girl or woman is, the more sexual she can be."
Vibrators may provide sufficient high intensity stimulation to overcome weak nerve pathways allowing a woman to experience orgasm. Once she learns to experience orgasm using a vibrator, and the nerve pathways develop, other forms of less intense stimulation may result in orgasm. If for some reason the nerve pathways are damaged or otherwise deficient, a vibrator may always be necessary if orgasm is desired, and this true for many normal and healthy women, young and old. You have no control over your nerve pathways so if yours do not work quite as well as the next person's, do not fault yourself. Simply strive to learn and accept what works best for you.
The absence of genital sensitivity could indicate a hormonal imbalance or deficiency. Estrogen and testosterone are equally essential for a healthy and sensitive vulva and clitoris. Health issues, medications, and prescription birth control can all influence genital sensitivity. If a teen or woman has a preexisting medical condition or began taking a prescription medication prior to exploring her sexuality and orgasm, it may be impossible to predict their influence on her sexual pleasure. When prescribing medication, doctors may fail to mention their possible sexual side effects and women may need to look in a Physician's Desk Reference (PDR) to find out this information; they are usually available at your local library and online. Parents need to take into consideration their daughter's sexuality and pleasure when she is prescribed medication and treatments, particularly during the teen years, though preadolescent girls masturbate too.
Making a Connection
Since boys are taught at an early age to hold their penis when urinating, men are often much more comfortable touching and holding their genitals than women. Girls and women often learn not to touch their vulva directly, toilet paper or a wash cloth always separates their hand from their vulva, and they are required to wear panties twenty-four-hours a day.
Here is an exercise that may help women to become equally comfortable touching their vulva, and to have a greater awareness of the sensations it produces when touched. The intent of this exercise is not sexual arousal, pleasure, or orgasm, but the creation of a connection between mind and body. If this connection does not exist, pleasure and orgasm are impossible.
You will need a bath towel and a lubricant that is safe to apply to your vulva. Petroleum or natural oil based products will work best, and are safe to use on the vulva, but not in the vagina. Be careful to avoid lubricants with added scents and colors that may irritate delicate tissues. Water based lubricants tend to dry out quickly, but they can be re-hydrated by adding a little water when they become sticky. Keep a small bowl of warm water nearby if you use a water based lubricant. If your vulva is easily irritated or very sensitive, latex or vinyl surgical gloves may be necessary, though all women should give them a try.
You will need to engage in at least thirty minutes of uninterrupted activity that you find relaxing, like reading a book, surfing the Internet, or watching a commercial free movie. You can sit in a chair or lie on a bed, whatever is most comfortable for you during this activity. Either get naked or dress in a manner that provides easy and comfortable access to your vulva. While not ideal, you can start out by doing it with your cloths or panties on. Place the towel so it will be under your bottom to protect your furniture or bedding from the lubricant. If appropriate, dim the lights. Get everything ready to engage in the chosen activity without interruption, including turning off your phones and pagers.
Now apply a generous amount of lubricant to your vulva, you want it dripping wet. Start the movie, surfing the net, or reading. Take in some deep breaths and relax. Focus on the primary activity you are engaged in, not what I am about to tell you to do. Using either hand, start exploring the outer surfaces of your vulva. If you do not use the hand you write with, it leaves your dominate hand free to do other things; you can type or hold a glass of water in your dominant hand for example. Your movements should be casual, not intentional. Cup your vulva and hold it in the palm of your hand, toy with your pubic hair, and then use one or two fingers to explore the contours. Go very very slowly, remember this should last at least half an hour. Work your way into the folds of your vulva, exploring as you go. It is okay to pause, but maintain physical contact. The challenge is to remain focused on the book, movie, or Internet not your exploring hand. You should be surprised to realize you are "playing" with your vulva.
You want the hand between your legs to have a mind of its own, the less aware you are of what you are doing the better, as if absent mindedly playing with your hair or a piece of clothing. You know you are doing it but it slips to the back of your mind. If something feels good, explore it, but do not focus on it. If the primary activity momentarily distracts you from touching your vulva, fine. Do not try to bring about a high level of sexual arousal or orgasm. If you notice yourself becoming aroused, maintain it at a low level, but do not get yourself so aroused it is distracting from the main activity; I know, easier said than done. This is especially true if you find you hit a wall when trying to experience orgasm. You want to repeat this activity as frequently as possible, daily when circumstances permit. It may take several month for you to go from being insensitive to vulvar stimulation to being acutely aware of it.
This exercise has several purposes other than the primary one, as it requires you to set aside time for yourself on a regular basis and engage in a relaxing activity. These are very important to a healthy sex life. If you are always on the go or wound up, sexual arousal and orgasm become more difficult to experience.
You have achieved success when you can explore and toy with your vulva for a full half hour, or more, and not know that you have. You want to totally unlearn the believe that "good girls" do not play with, touch, or fondle their genitals. You should be surprised when you realize you are holding or caressing your vulva when engaged in the primary activity. It should become a matter of habit, not intent. This is not going to happen overnight. You want it to become totally natural, second nature. You do not want to feel the least inhibited about doing it, like a young child. With time, you will hopefully discover ways of stimulating your vulva that feel pleasurable, or at least noticeable. If you learn to lie or sit there and arouse yourself, and can maintain that arousal, learning to orgasm is going to be much easier, more so than setting a goal of and attempting to experiencing orgasm from the start. The more you try to have an orgasm, the more out of reach it is likely to become.
Your partner can be present during these activities as long as they are not a distraction or do not expect you to put on a show. With time, they should become so accustomed to you doing it they are less aware of it than you. Again, this is not about sex, but making a physical connection.
Pump Me Up!
Blood flow is essential to sexual arousal and vaginal lubrication. While nerve impulses may start the arousal process, blood carries the chemicals that allow the physical aspects of arousal to occur. If a woman does not have adequate blood flow to her vulva and vagina, she may have trouble experiencing arousal and orgasm. Without the increased blood flow her vulva and clitoris may be insensitive or overly sensitive to stimulation and her vagina will not adequately lubricate.
Similar to how nerve pathways develop with use, so do the blood vessels and erectile tissues. The more frequently a woman stimulates and causes blood flow to increase in her genitals, and the longer blood engorgement is maintained, the more her blood vessels and erectile tissues may develop, to a small degree. (Large genitals structures are the result of heredity, not masturbation and frequent sexual activity as some claim.)
Any activity that increases blood flow to the vulva may enhance arousal. This is why the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved a clit pump for the treatment of sexual dysfunction. Viagra may help women who have decreased genital blood flow, if they experienced satisfactory sexual response in the past. Frequent stimulation of the vulva and clitoris will likely have the same result, though the use of additional lubrication will most likely be a necessity. Sexual fantasy is another way of increasing blood flow to the genitals.
Engaging in twenty minutes of sustained physical activity each day will help with blood flow, overall health, and relieve stress. This can be done through walks, swimming, jogging, bicycling, etc. If your heart rate increases, increased blood flow will occur throughout your pelvic and genital region. Immediately after exercise, while you are still warmed up, is a good time for sexual activities. While in the shower after exercise is a good time to explore your vulva. It is also a good time, prior to showering, to engage in the activity described in the prior section.
Desire's Influence
If you try to engage in a sexual activity, solo or with a partner, when you are not experiencing sexual desire, it is less likely to be an enjoyable experience. While sexual desire is not essential to arousal and orgasm, it certainly aids in the processes. If your body is not working with you, it may very well work against you, and when one takes into consideration the consequences of prior knowledge and social conditioning, it may be essential to over coming those barriers. In simple terms, if you are not horny, you may not be prepared for sex or sexual pleasure and they could be unattainable.
A potential problem is created by society's frequent denial of female sexual desire. Women are usually expected to be sexually passive, "good girls" are not "sexually active" nor should they "desire sex." Teens and women often learn to believe their sexual arousal is an indication of being "in love," or suppress and ignore their sexual feelings altogether. As an adult, you may be unaware of your desire, having learned to ignore it. If you do not experience sexual desire, or you are in denial of its presence, learning to experience orgasm can be significantly more challenging.
Before many women can learn to experience orgasm they must acknowledge and accept their sexual desire, and learn to know its rhythms. You need to know if you are experiencing sexual desire on any given day, and its level in comparison to other days; this is usually indicated by the frequency of sexual thoughts and arousal. Since a woman's menstrual cycle often causes her desire to be cyclic, this requires her to acknowledge that cycle and the limits it may place on her sexual responses.
The hormone estrogen is an anti-testosterone so as it varies during your cycle so does your active testosterone level; your estrogen level drops rapidly after ovulation and is at its lowest during menstruation. You may learn you can engage in a sexual activity with the likelihood of orgasm occurring only a few days each cycle. It is not a bad idea for women to keep a written record of their menstrual cycle, and their daily level of desire, frequency of experiencing arousal and/or orgasm, and sexual activities. While some women can and do masturbate to orgasm one or more times a day every day and others masturbate once a month, neither woman is better off or more "normal" than the other. One cannot fault women who seek sexual pleasure and relaxation on a regular basis, but the body may not always be willing. The key is achieving an understanding of your own body. On days when your level of desire is lower, orgasm may require more mental than physical stimulation.
Good Versus Bad Tension
Orgasm is the release of sexual tension in the body. Sexual tension develops as a result of mental and physical sexual stimulation. There is another form of tension that results from negative feelings within ourselves towards things around us, negative tension. Negative tension is a defensive mechanism. If your body is in a defensive mode it is unlikely to welcome sexual responses. Sex, mating, is an inherently risky activity so your body will say no to sex if you are feeling at risk. If your mind and body are telling you to find safety, run, sexual arousal and orgasm are going to be more difficult to achieve. If you want to have an orgasm you need to be relaxed and feel good about yourself and your current surroundings. If your body is tense as a result of negative feelings, you are less likely to experience orgasm, even if you are highly aroused and want too. You will not be able to surrender control of your body.
If you make a fist out of one of your hands, and then close your second hand around it making a second fist, you demonstrate sexual tension combined with negative tension. A fist within a fist. If you try to open your first fist, symbolizing the release of sexual tension through orgasm, you cannot because your second fist, the negative tension, prevents it. Not until you open your outer hand, release the negative tension, can you open your inner hand, have an orgasm.
Many women become so tense while masturbating, as a result frustration, negative feelings, trying too hard, and apprehension that they in effect tighten their whole body into a tight fist, preventing orgasm. The sexual tension is there, it simply has become impossible to release. When orgasm does not occur, this sexual tension is released very slowly and you feel sexually frustrated and may actually feel physically ill. You do not want to place yourself in that state very often as it is very detrimental to sexual pleasure.
You are likely aware of accounts of women who masturbate to orgasm to help them relax and fall asleep. Their daily stress induced tension is not likely to be intense or chronic and therefore does not become a barrier to orgasm. If you had a really stressful day, it is less likely for you to be able to become aroused and experience orgasm. A toddler may masturbate because it helps her fall asleep, but the stress she experiences is not likely to be as intense as that experienced by adults and teens; though frequent childhood masturbation could indicate emotional stress. It is a matter of degree and duration. If you are so tense you want to cry, sexual arousal and orgasm will be harder to achieve, though after a good cry relieves the physical and emotional tension you may be ready for arousal and orgasm. Crying is not a bad emotion or harmful.
You should learn how to release negative tension if you cannot avoid it all together, which is very unlikely for the average person in our fast paced lives. The simplest and quickest way is through deep breathing. Close your eyes, breath deeply in through your nose, hold for a couple seconds, exhale deeply through your mouth, and repeat. You should feel tension drain from your body. Get in the habit of doing this before beginning to masturbate or participate in partner sex, and any time during the day you feel stressed.
Find time for yourself. If you live alone this may not be a challenge but if you live with family or roommates it can be. If you have children, have your spouse, parents, or neighbors take them for an hour or two each week. Ask your boss if you can work fifteen minutes extra four days a week so you can take an hour off on the fifth day. If nothing else, skip doing the laundry, or take a long lunch. Take a hot bath or shower and let the heat soak into your body. If your place of work has a shower, use it. Take deep breaths. Take time to explore your body, to touch it. When you feel good and relaxed dry yourself gently. Then massage body lotion or oil into your entire body. Feel, explore, and stimulate your body. Do not wait until the end of the day when you are exhausted to do this.
When at home, lay on your bed, stretch out on the couch, or lay on a soft mat on the floor, nude if you are comfortable doing so. If at work, find a quiet corner, go to the park, or sit in your car that is parked in a quiet area. You can do this with your cloths on, preferably loose fitting cloths like a dress or skirt and possibly take your bra and panties off beforehand. You will then want to tense and relax each muscle in your body one at a time. Concentrate on one area of your body and flex and relax the muscles there. Think about your hand and make a fist, relax it. Press your tongue against the top of your mouth to tense your jaw muscles; do not clench your teeth. Scrunch your face up. Think about your thighs and tighten the muscles there. Squeeze your butt cheeks together. You can press your arms and legs against the bed, floor, or chair to cause some muscles in them to tighten. Imagine that you are urinating and want to stop the flow of urine, your pelvic muscles will tighten, and relax; these are called Kegel exercises. Start at one point on your body, say your left foot, and work your way up the left side of your body and then down the right side of your body. With practice, you will be able to identify individual muscles. Learn to distinguish the difference between a tensed and relaxed muscle. Do not forget about your deep breathing, in through your nose, out through your mouth. It is also not a bad idea to get in the habit of doing stretching exercises to help relieve muscular tension.
Learn Your Body
It is highly recommended that you get a mirror and look at your vulva and learn what is there. You should do this on a regular basis, to keep tabs on your genital health; when you do your monthly breast exam do a vulvar exam too. Identify all your bits and pieces. Yes, it can be confusing at first, but with time and guidance from the information in the anatomy and Q&A sections you will soon be able to identify everything. You may be surprised to learn how much is there, that there is a lot "down there". If you cannot look at your genitals and feel good about what you see, it makes it much more difficult for you to touch your vulva and enjoy it. Remember, no matter how your genitals may look, they are perfectly normal.
Every woman should consider trimming her pubic hair short, and possibly shaving her vulva, at least once so she can see and explore her genitals unobstructed. Basically discover/rediscover her genitals for the first time since puberty, growing pubic hair. There is more there than a hole and hair. If you are able to show off your vulva, it may give you a little more self confidence too. In addition, any daily activity that requires you to look at and touch your vulva is beneficial, especially if has nothing to do with hygiene, i.e. cleaning.
Try relaxing around the house while nude and letting it all hang out, and outside if circumstances permit. Go shopping while wearing a dress or skirt with nothing underneath, allowing the air to stimulate your vulva. Not only is is healthier to do so, the naughtiness may sexually arouse you. You don't have to be a good girl all the time. You can certainly choose clothing that conceals the fact you are bare bottomed underneath.
Nobody's body is perfect, no one's. Don't allow yourself, as hard as it may be, to be misled by the anorexic airbrushed female bodies shown in magazines, they don't exist in real life. Women almost always judge their body and that of other women much more harshly than men, and have unrealistic expectations too. They learn as girls to get approval from others by the way they look, and they learn this when very young; boys traditionally get approval by what they do, not how they look .
Your partner certainly does not have perfect body so why must you? Even if you are not totally happy with your body, wishing it was somehow different, you need to be able to look at and touch it, and enjoy the pleasure it can give you. Despite how you feel it looks, with all its imperfections, it is still very capable of giving you pleasure, if you allow it to. The more pleasure you allow you body to give you, the more you will find that you like your body. An orgasmic woman is going to feel better about her body than a woman who does not experience orgasm.
Sexual Fantasy
Sexual fantasy is often essential to masturbation and orgasm. It is often the missing ingredient in many women's masturbation sessions. They think about what they are doing or trying to achieve, not something that turns them on. You have to be able to openly think about sex and create a fantasy world if you are to discover your full sexual potential. If you are not able to create a sexual fantasy of your own, read one in a book or magazine. Perhaps you can read a romance novel that sexually arouses you. Looking at nude or sexually explicit pictures on the Internet could put you in the mood, as can watching an erotic video. Many women are sexually aroused by adult videos, so consider giving them a try; it is falsely believed women are not turned on visually but this is very untrue.
Try to get yourself worked up and aroused before trying to masturbate. Think about sex all day at work or school, go home take a hot bath or shower, think about sex some more, apply lotion to your entire body, pamper your body, go relax on your bed or couch, think about sex some more, and then read a sexual passage in a book or look at erotic pictures. When you are sexually aroused and feel as if your genitals are on fire, only then start caressing your genitals. Remember to go-slow and stay relaxed and breath. If arousal does not come about as a result of fantasy or erotica, it likely means you are tired and stressed, or sexual desire is absent.
