Sexual Orientation: What is It?
Sexual orientation is perhaps one of the most erroneous concepts applied to human sexuality. As you read through the following information you will likely come to see how sexual orientation, as with all aspects of human existence, is impossible to define with concise and exclusive limits. If you seek to find sexual orientation clearly defined here, you will be disappointed.
The terms that are used to describe a person's sexual orientation were created to denote the genders a person had participated in sexual activities with, or were sexually attracted to; the two may not correspond. The prefix "homo-" means "same" in medical terms so "homosexual" means a person is sexual with persons of the same sex. The prefix "hetero-" means "different" in medical terms so a heterosexual is sexual with persons of a different sex. The prefix "bi" means "two." These words, homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual are not in of themselves a form of judgment, they simply provide a means of describing one aspect of human sexuality.
A person's sexual orientation has come to be a description that has social, political, and religious significance. Your sexual orientation may determine whether you are acceptable to your family, friends, coworkers, community, government, and religion. Your sexual interests and experiences have come to represent the type of person you are, and whether you are ultimately acceptable to others. Even if you have not harmed others by your sexual activities and thoughts, you could still be deemed harmful, a bad influence.
Clear and Simple Rules?
Many individuals and entities see sexual orientation in concrete terms. For them there are very simple rules that govern sexuality. They acknowledge only two sexes, and sexual acts that result in conception and ultimately birth. Anything outside these narrow limits is unacceptable to them. They do not acknowledge the possibility of anything else. Their simple rules do not have a connection with reality, the real world that exists around us.
There are more than two sexes, male and female. There are also the intersexed, those who possess anatomical, psychological, and/or genetic characteristics that correspond to both male and female. Approximately 1 in 1,500 to 2,000 births, 5 babies a day in the US, or up to 1 out of 100 individuals are born intersexed. There are many different forms of intersexuality, with these individuals having various degrees of maleness and/or femaleness. There even are individuals who look physically female at birth who assume a male appearance during puberty. The male and female genders might be said to exist at opposite ends of an infinite spectrum of gender possibilities. While society may say we are at one end of this spectrum or the other, in reality we are all likely somewhere in between, as few are 100% feminine or 100% masculine in body and/or mannerisms.
Likewise, heterosexuality and homosexuality are opposite ends of a infinite spectrum of potential sexual orientations. At birth we are likely at the center of this spectrum, truly bisexual, but only a small percentage of us describe ourselves this way once we achieve adulthood. Most believe they are left or right of center to one degree or another. Their experiences in life determine how they see themselves, want to see themselves, and how others see them.
Sex and sexuality are not governed by simple rules and descriptions. There are 6.7 billion unique human individuals on this planet and they can never be divided into two distinct groups, heterosexual males and heterosexual females. To attempt to do so defies reality. Based on the percentages given above, there are 3 to 60 million intersexed individuals in the world that break the rules.
Medical Quote:
Article Title: Physiology of Women's Sexual Function: Basic Knowledge and New Findings
Originally Published: July 2010
"Women’s genital arousal responses are less related to their sexual preferences; although a woman might report psychological (attraction, thoughts, self-reported sexual arousal) and behavioral preferences for women or men, her genital responses are not higher to sexual images of her preferred gender. Women report increased sexual arousal to both preferred and nonpreferred sexual stimuli, which suggests that their cognitive and affective responses to sexual stimuli are not dependent upon their sexual preferences, such as sexual orientation.
"Research on the specificity of women’s sexual arousal converges with current models of female sexual orientation that emphasize flexibility in women’s sexual attractions and sexual identities. Flexibility refers to a pattern of intraindividual variability in sexual preferences, attitudes, and behaviors. With respect to sexual orientation and identity, women are more likely than men to experience and express same-gender attractions and less likely to engage in exclusively heterosexual or homosexual sexual behaviors, and women’s sexual identities show less temporal stability than men’s. Diamond has suggested that the processes underlying romantic and affectionate bonding are not intrinsically gendered toward females or males, and that romantic and affectionate feelings have the capacity to kindle sexual desire, particularly among women. Therefore, a woman’s sexual desire for another woman may emerge from a close emotional relationship instead of from sexual attraction to and arousal by women. Self-reported data on the development of female sexual orientation support this proposition; women report that social and emotional factors are more salient than sexual arousal to the development of their sexual interests in either the same gender or opposite gender. Nonspecific sexual responding may increase the potential for flexibility in women’s sexuality because patterns of sexual arousal do not constrain women’s sexual behavior, feelings, or identity.
"Overall, current research suggests that little can be inferred about a woman’s sexual orientation or motivation from her genital responses alone."
While certainly influenced by time dependent cultural morality, this information is, in part, confirmed by the number of women versus men who engage in sex with same-sex partners.
Some Survey Results
Lets look at some survey data that has been collected on this website. While this data was not collected in a scientific manner, it perhaps represents the female reader more accurately than data collected from the general population, as it is representative of female teens and adults who visit this website. Some may challenge my numbers and presumptions, which is okay, as the numbers become irrelevant, I use them only to initiate contemplation.
In response to the question: "Who have you engaged in physical sex with?" approximately 1,864 respondents said:
|
Response
|
% |
| Male partners | 80 |
| Female partners | 34 |
| I have not participated in partner sex yet, but want to | 13 |
| Intersexed, transsexual, androgynous partners | 6 |
| Don't desire partner sex | 1 |
Based on physical experience we can calculate that approximately 27 percent of the participants may identify as bisexual. If only 87 percent have engage in partnered sex and 114 percent have engaged in sex with a male or female partner then 27 percent, the difference, must have engaged in sex with male and female partners. A significant percentage of survey participants have had male and female sexual partners.
In response to the question: "What is your current sexual orientation?" 1,868 respondents said:
|
Response
|
% |
| I am heterosexual, desire men only | 49 |
| I am bi-sexual, desire men more than women | 13 |
| I am bi-sexual, curious | 11 |
| I am bisexual, desire men and women equally | 6 |
| I am bisexual, desire women more than men | 5 |
| I am a lesbian, desire women only | 5 |
| Not sure | 2 |
| I desire all | 1 |
| My sexual orientation is constantly changing | 1 |
Here 24 percent of the participants identified as bisexual, and an additional 11 percent are interested in exploring the possibility of bisexuality. Thirty-five percent of women, one-third, may be motivated to have male and female sexual partners if the opportunity presented itself. Interestingly, only 49 percent of the participants are what some would label as "normal." Is there possibly a problem with their definition of normal?
Despite the number of questions and comments I receive from individuals concerning their sexual orientation, only 2 percent of the participants say they are not sure of their sexual orientation, perhaps indicating society does not allow for them to be unsure, which I believe to be the case. I believe there is significant social pressure on an individual to choose a sexual orientation. Assuming your sexual partners have been male, identifying as bi-curious allows some flexibility, as you can claim to be heterosexual if they insist on pinning you down, based on what you have actually experienced, and "curious" provides a safety net if they react negatively to this disclosure, since you haven't actually done it yet, it was a thought, not a physical act. If you have had female partners and identify as bi-curious, you can claim you simply haven't found the right man yet, giving people hope you eventually will.
What physical activities have female visitors to the website engaged in with other females? Based on approximately 1,864 survey participants.
|
Response
|
% |
| Kissing, lips only | 42 |
| Kissing, French | 40 |
| Touched their breasts | 38 |
| Touched their vulva | 32 |
| Orally stimulated their breast | 32 |
| Orally stimulated their vulva | 26 |
Which of these physical activities are sexual in nature? Kissing is a common form of greeting in many cultures, so this activity may not indicate mutual affection let alone sexual interest; it is a social custom. On the other hand, French kissing probably isn't something you see two female acquaintances doing when they greet one another in public. Many of these individuals may have been practicing with a female friend for "the real thing," it may have been intimate rather than sexual. The breasts and vulva are seen as sexual organs in many societies, so is touching or orally stimulating them a sexual activity? Is touching another girl's vulva while playing doctor a sexual activity, or simply the result of curiosity? It is unlikely all these events occurred during a sexual situation, but it is perhaps safe to say 25 to 30 percent of girls/women have engaged in a sexual activity with another girl/woman, a significant amount. When these survey particpants were asked about the genders they had engaged in a sexual activity with, 34 percent admitted to engaging in sex with another female; some of these activities may not have involved physical touch, activities like mutual masturbation, cyber sex, and phone sex.
Here is an interesting bit of information. In response to the question "Has your sexual orientation changed over time?" 1,860 respondents said:
|
Response
|
% |
| No | 55 |
| Yes | 25 |
| Maybe | 10 |
| Not sure | 8 |
Only 55 percent of the participants were sure their sexual orientation had not changed over time. I thought a person's sexual orientation was engraved in stone? What is the significance of 25 to 43 percent of the participants indicating their sexual orientation has or may have changed over time? How is it possible we could be unsure of who we have been sexually attracted to in the past and present? Perhaps the confusion is caused by sexual attraction and responses that are inconsistent with our perceived or expected sexual orientation? Perhaps some aren't sexually attracted to anyone!
When asked, "Who have you imagined, thought, or fantasized about having sex with?" approximately 1,864 participants said:
|
Response
|
% |
| Male partners | 90 |
| Female partners | 71 |
| Transsexual partners | 9 |
| Androgynous partners | 8 |
| Intersexual partners | 7 |
| Other | 4 |
| Have not thought about partner sex | 1 |
| Don't desire partner sex | 1 |
If 49 percent of survey participants were heterosexual how is it possible that 71 percent have imagined, thought, or fantasized about sex with another female? Shouldn't 71 percent of them identify as bisexual or lesbian? This data indicates self-assigned sexual orientation and physical experience are not clear indicators of what occurs within a woman's mind. While many of these sexual thoughts may not have resulted in sexual arousal, a significant number of women fantasize about sexual activities with other women, because it does sexually arouse them.
If 29 percent of participants in the above survey have not thought about sex with women does this mean only 29 percent of the 49 percent who identify as heterosexual are truly heterosexual? If you have thought about sex with another woman are you really heterosexual? Is a mere 14 percent of the survey participants heterosexual, based on some definitions of sexual orientation? Are heterosexuals a minority?
Magic with numbers, you can prove or disprove any point with statistics. The data presented above was collected from an ongoing survey that asks women about their sexual experiences. Some presumptions and estimations have been made, which introduces error. The actual value of the numbers becomes irrelevant when one considers what they represent, the diverse experiences of women. Where do simple rules fit into this picture?
