Cunnilingus: A Guide to Orally Stimulating the Vulva

Couple Engaging in Cunnilingus - Copyright 1987, 1983, 1974
               Betty Dodson

Cunnilingus is perhaps the most enjoyed form of partnered sex women participate in. Nothing can compare to the feeling of a warm wet tongue sliding across a woman's vulva and clitoris. Women are more likely to experience orgasm during cunnilingus than vaginal intercourse (without added clitoral stimulation) and manual stimulation of the vulva.

Young girls are expected to be very neat and clean. Boys can go out and get dirty but girls must keep their cloths and body clean. Girls are taught to always look attractive and smell sweet. This is less true than it was twenty years ago, but there are still many women who feel they must remain clean and free of perspiration even when engaging in strenuous physical activities. On top of this, there is a lot of negative stigmatization attached to "feminine hygiene." Particularly in the United States, personal hygiene product advertising has led people to believe any smell or fluid originating from the human body is bad; this simply is not true. These practices and believes create a barrier to oral sex for many women, as their genitals produce moisture and emit a distinctive scent. It is not surprising then that many women feel they have dirty smelly genitals when in fact they have perfectly normal and healthy genitals.

If a woman is to permit oral stimulation of her genitals she must first come to accept her normal bodily functions. Her vulva is moist because her vagina and vulva are constantly cleansing themselves. Beginning at puberty, the vagina washes itself by producing a clear to whitish colored flow having a watery to sticky consistency. This acidic flow keeps bad bacteria in check to help prevent infection. A woman may become sexually aroused and experience increased vaginal moisture without knowing she is aroused, only feeling wet. In addition, women produce their own scent, a chemical signature that indicates not only who they are as an individual, but also their current reproductive and sexual state. While our noses may have lost the ability to detect these scents at great distances, I have read men become sexually aroused when exposed to them. In actuality, a "clean" vulva is a unhealthy one, a moist vulva with its own aroma is a healthy one.

DVD Cover Oral Sex for Couples, Part 2- Connected CunnilingusThere are times when the vulva may smell or taste unpleasant. This may result when the normal moisture from the vagina collects in the folds of the vulva. As a result of poor air circulation around the genitals, evaporation of excess moisture cannot occur. Since bacteria love warm moist places, they can reproduce rapidly in this environment, resulting in a strong odor, and perhaps taste. The bacteria cause the odor, not the vaginal moisture. Since women today generally wear clothing that prevents adequate circulation of air around their genitals, it may be necessary for a woman to rinse her genitals with plain water prior to engaging in oral sex. This goes for men too. A shower or bath in preparation for sex is often a good idea, especially if either partner has not bathed in several hours. There are men and women who enjoy a strong scented vulva; it is a matter of personal taste.

If a woman feels her genitals smell or taste bad, she should ask her partner what they think. They may enjoy the smell that she finds unpleasant. If a woman's genitals do smell unpleasant, it could indicate the presence of an infection. I have read where a woman's partner may know even before she does that she is developing a yeast infection. If a woman knows or feels her genitals have a strong or offensive odor she should seek a doctor's advice. The often joked about "fishy" smell is not an indication of a healthy vulva.

Perhaps the best way for a woman or teenager to come to accept and learn her normal healthy genital scent and taste is to smell and taste her fingers while masturbating. A woman's genital flora will change with her current menstrual state, level of sexual arousal, and depending on her diet. If a woman does this on a daily basis she will be more aware of her general health. If a woman knows her normal scent and taste, a quick check will tell her if she needs to bathe prior to oral sex, or seek medical treatment.

Frequently couples find the practice of trimming or shaving a woman's pubic hair facilitates cunnilingus. There are women who find cunnilingus more enjoyable and personal hygiene easier when they are clean-shaven. There are couples who prefer a full growth of pubic hair. Shaving or trimming the pubic hair is a matter of personal choice, not a requirement of cunnilingus.

Guide to Better CunnilingusContrary to common belief, and many women's expectations, cunnilingus is not a natural skill that every man and lesbian is born with. Cunnilingus is a learned skill. If you do not take the time to teach or learn this skill, you will never fully enjoy the benefits. Every woman is different, so no matter how good someone was at giving a woman oral pleasure in the past, they still need to relearn their technique if they change partners. Women cannot compare notes tit for tat as they are never exactly the same in likes and dislikes. There are physical and psychological reasons for this. While everyone would like to read a detailed "How-To-Guide," there is no way of creating one that is accurate for all women. At most, one can only give ideas and basic hints. Finding and reading women's first hand accounts is perhaps the best way to get new ideas, but the individual woman is the only one who can tell you what is enjoyable for her and works best.

Communication is very important to pleasurable cunnilingus, and sex in general. A woman must guide her lover in the same manner as she would guide a blind person driving a car down a busy city street, with a lot of detailed and accurate instruction. While women often feel uncomfortable giving out sexual commands and demands, they need to be sexual "drill instructors" if they expect to get what they want and need in bed. The guidance can come in the form of verbal commands, auditory sounds, hand gestures, and body movements. Auditory sounds are very useful, especially if the receiving woman is hesitant, feels "pushy" giving commands, or doesn't want to distract herself from feeling her pleasurable sensations by trying to speak. If the situation is private and/or soundproofed, vocal sounds can provide a lot of feedback if the recipient wants to give it; oooing, cooing, moaning, purring, trilling, grunting, panting, shouting, screaming or singing in a variety of volumes and speeds in response to what she likes can speak volumes and "play" your pleasure giver's mouth like a remotely-controlled musical instrument duet. If something feels good, say "Yes," if something does not, tell them what does. Always be positive. Grasp your lover's head with your hands and guide their mouth to where you want it. If you want them to stay put, wrap your legs around them and hold their body in place. While women fear chasing a partner away by being too demanding in bed, they can also lose them if they are totally unresponsive to their lover's efforts. The person performing cunnilingus should look into their partner's eyes for guidance, asking her if she likes what they are doing. Women should be honest with their partner, never faking pleasure or orgasm.

Illustration by Mia JenningsSince cunnilingus or "oral love making" can go on for extended periods of time, both partners need to find a comfortable position to be in. For some couples, oral sex is the only form of sexual activity they engage in together, so finding a comfortable position is extremely important. The best are perhaps those in which the recipient is in a dominant position, which is kneeling or lying over their partner. This gives them the greatest freedom of movement and control. Ideally, both partners are fully relaxed during cunnilingus. If one or both partners are uncomfortable, it becomes more a chore than a pleasure. You do not want the person performing cunnilingus to get a sore or stiff neck holding their mouth up to their partner's vulva. You do not want the recipient to get tired holding her own weight up for long periods of time. Take some time to find a comfortable position before actually starting to have sex. Your health, age, weight, and flexibility will determine which position(s) are best for you. Using a fancy position gains you nothing if you tire or your muscles become stiff and sore.

Some positions to consider:

  • The recipient may want to kneel over her partner's head, lowering her vulva down onto their mouth. She can either face away from or towards her partner's feet. The position that works best will depend on the angle of her vulva, and the angle of her partner's mouth. You may want to place a pillow under the head of the person performing cunnilingus, to raise it up to the level of the recipient's vulva. You may want to place a big soft pillow, or a folded comforter/quilt under the recipient's body so she can rest her weight on it while keeping her pelvis elevated. For extended sessions you do not want either of you to be actively supporting any part of your own or your partner's body weight.

  • The recipient can also lie under her partner who is lying on or kneeling over her, head to toe.

  • The recipient may want to lie on a bed with her lower legs hanging over the edge. Her partner kneels on the floor between her spread legs. Pillows can be placed under the knees and/or chest of the person kneeling. The recipient may want to place a pillow under their hips to raise them up to mouth level.

  • Some couples may want to lie on their sides, side by side, head to toe. Placing their heads on each other's thigh.

  • Other couples may need to lie on the floor on their sides, at right angles forming a "T", the performer lying their head on the inner thigh of the recipient. The recipient may need to prop their upper, bent, leg on a couple of pillows. The person performing cunnilingus can either lie in front of or behind the recipient.

  • Of course there is always the traditional position where the recipient lies on her back with legs spread, her partner lying between her legs. Pillows can be placed under the recipient's head to raise it up so she can watch her partner, or her hips can be elevated with pillows. The person performing cunnilingus can also rest the weight of their chest on a pillow if needed.

The actual techniques employed vary from couple to couple. The sensitivity of a woman's vulva and clitoris will determine what type of stimulation she likes and is most responsive to. There are women who like a slow soft touch, others like a fast firm touch. The structure of her genitals will determine what is possible. A woman with well-developed inner labia may like to have them sucked on; a woman with small or absent inner labia will not be able to experience this. If a woman has clitoris that projects outward or is well developed, her partner will be able to suck on it like a small penis. If a woman has a small or hidden clitoris, her partner may only be able to lap at it. There is one important rule though, unless you intend to tease her, keep up your rhythm and intensity once you start bringing her close to orgasm. Nothing upsets a woman more during cunnilingus than having her partner break their rhythm, or wander off the spot, when they are on the verge of orgasm.

Do not seek out a woman's clitoris immediately. If a woman is not adequately aroused her clitoris will either be overly sensitive or totally insensitive to all forms of stimulation. You need to wait for her hormones to get flowing and for her genitals to become engorged with blood. Make a slow and lengthy journey to her clitoris. Discover her clitoris by accident. Caress, kiss, and lick her inner thighs. Gently lick the area where her vulva and inner thighs come together. Slowly lick her pubic mound and outer labia. Take your time. Run your tongue along the groove created by the meeting of her outer labia. Slip your tongue between her inner and outer labia. If possible, draw her inner labia into your mouth and suck on them; gently draw blood into them. Lick the area between her inner labia; the area just outside her vagina and the location of the urethral orifice. If her clitoral body is well defined, run your tongue along the grooves that separates it from her outer labia.

When she is dripping wet and begging for more, very gently start licking her clitoris. Do not retract her hood at first. Give her time to get highly aroused. When she seems ready to explode slip her clitoral hood back with your lubricated fingers, or she can use her own, and lick and suck on her exquisitely sensitive clitoral glans. Be very gentle. There are women who require a very light touch; others will find this ticklish and will require a firm but gentle touch. Still others will not be able to tolerate direct stimulation of their clitoral glans. Gently suck on her clitoris; delicately draw more blood into it. Once you find a form of stimulation that is pleasurable for her, maintain that stimulation until she experiences orgasm, if one is desired. If she is not able to experience orgasm, continue the stimulation for as long as it is pleasurable for the both of you. Cunnilingus need not include orgasm for it to be very pleasurable and satisfying.

If a woman already knows what she likes, listen to her instructions. If she has never experienced cunnilingus, or at least a pleasurable session, slow experimentation is in order. Even couples who are quite in tune with each other may at times want to try new techniques. When you experiment, try moving your tongue over her vulva in every manner you can think of. There are lots of ways, and there is only one way to find out what works best for her, trial and error.

If both partners are in a comfortable position and fully relaxed, you may not be able to spread the woman's outer labia to get at the treasures within, using your hands, so you will need to bury your face in her vulva, finding her clitoris and inner labia with your lips and tongue. A woman may be able assist with her own hands, but this too may be tiring. If a woman's legs are comfortably spread her vulva will spread open naturally and her outer labia draw apart when she is highly aroused.

Since your tongue may grow tired, be sure to use your lips and tongue to caress and suck on her delicate tissues in alternation. If you extend your tongue fully, and you are not accustomed to this, your tongue will soon get tired. It is better to get your mouth as close to her clitoris and labia as possible. Use short strokes with your tongue slightly extended.

A woman may enjoy it when you insert your tongue into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls. You may not be able to insert your tongue very far, but usually the most sensitive tissues are near the entrance anyway. There are women who enjoy it when you insert your finger(s) into her vagina and stimulate her vaginal walls, and possibly her G-Spot, while you suck on her clitoris. Some enjoy it when you insert your lubricated finger(s) into her anus and/or massage her anus while performing cunnilingus.

You can also include the use of dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs. A woman may enjoy the feeling of being stretched open or filled while being orally stimulated. A vibrator may make orgasm possible during cunnilingus when it would otherwise be impossible. While the vibrator alone may result in orgasm, the combination may be more pleasurable and result in a stronger orgasm.

Many couples enjoy engaging in the so called "69" or "Yin/Yang" position during oral sex. These terms allude to the practice whereby both partners orally stimulating each other at the same time, lying head to toe. There are couples who find this very enjoyable, feeding off each other's arousal and orgasm. Others find they cannot concentrate on what they are doing to their partner, and get so caught up in their own pleasure they forget to stimulate their partner. Some become so distracted by what they are doing that they themselves cannot experience orgasm. So again, only trial and error will tell you if this technique is suitable for you and your partner.

A Visitor's Recommended Technique

I have a technique for cunnilingus that I find is not discussed. I am a 38 yr. old paraplegic and I find that for me and my partner the most comfortable position is to have her lie on her back with her legs spread, and I sit next to her waist and lean over her hip and put my head between her legs. This way when she really gets into thrusting and moving her hips, I'm on top of them and can keep my contact with her vulva. Thereby not losing my rhythm.

While in this position I insert one or two finger into her vagina along the upper wall (the belly button side) way back past the G spot, almost to her cervix. There is a smooth flat spot just before the cervix that I call the OMG spot. (The OH MY GOD SPOT). It will sometimes have a small flap of skin or a small nub there. I tickle this spot while I nurse on her clit. With my other free hand I reach up and play with one of her Breast/Nipples. Always keeping the same rhythm with going with mouth & both hands. It takes a little practice, but the results are incredible. My partners have come fast and intensely, with multiple orgasms. Usually I have to stop after 1/2 hr. to 1 hr. because the clitoris becomes too sensitive and/or she needs to catch her breath. You can also circle your finger around the cervix to not over stimulate the OMG spot.

More Visitor's Recommended Techniques

1) Don't forget the nose! I discovered that while working her labia and vagina with my lips and tongue, the tip of my nose was conveniently close to her clitoris. I can either rest my nose gently on her clit or move my whole head in a circular motion while sucking on her inner labia and my nose simply extends the coverage area!

2) One of my lovers had a very sensitive clitoris, so sensitive that it could hardly be touched without pain. I find that my clitoris is more sensitive at certain times during my menstrual cycle as well. A good tip I learned about giving a woman oral pleasure who has a sensitive clitoris is to RELAX your tongue. Many people (men and women) make the mistake of stiffening their tongue muscles and licking the tip of the clit with the tip of their tongue as soon as oral sex begins. Try relaxing your tongue, grounding yourself mentally, and slowly (but not lazily) licking the entire vulva region with the flat part of your tongue. In other words, relax the tip and lick as if you were licking an ice cream cone. keep your tongue flat and lick the thighs and pubis area as well. a stiff lick can be ticklish or painful. keep it relaxed, keep it firm, keep it flat. another thing I've found is that a person with a very sensitive clitoris often needs more holding and "loving" touches before being sexual. If a person feels loved and safe, their body is likely to respond more readily to lovemaking.

Trev

I have found that the best way my wife and to achieve her orgasm, is to position myself between her legs, and use my tongue in an upward movement onto the clitoris stimulating the underside. During this time I also use the tip of my tongue in a swirling motion to provide added stimulus. The results are absolutely fantastic, for her multiple orgasms, for me the pleasure of bring pleasure to the women I love.

Trev

TacoBoy41

Hi,

This is a very great site for exploring the expectations of a woman's desires and intimacies. Information like this is great for all males to enhance relationships with their partner.

During my dating scene, I have really noticed that women love oral sex preformed on them. The best results are when you find the sweet spot on their inner shoulders and make them have goose bumps. Then proceed downward and inside of their legs kissing and sucking, slowing teasing the clitoris slightly. Kissing and sucking on the back of their calves and massaging their feet and toes really enhance the clitoris size. The vulval area increases in size (Puffy) and feels like it will explode. Slowly tongue the area around the clitoris, mostly on the upper left side, it prolongs an orgasm. If you grab their legs and pull them towards your shoulders, it makes for a good climax on their part. Cause you don't let go that way, what a feeling it is. It is the most pleasurable feeling when she climaxes and you don't let go of her.

Well have a good day.

TacoBoy41

Alpian

First of all: Thanks a lot for offering this site which offers information on female bodies and their function on a non-pornographic basis and from many points of view. I sometimes recommend it to women who are not on good terms with some of their bodily - sexual - functions. Couldn't do that with most other sites...

A tip for couples practicing cunnilingus:

Some woman like oral stimulation on the upper side of their vagina and on their urethral orifice. Unfortunately, with arousal the urethra is pulled up and thus may wander into the vagina. If the receiver now pretends to pee, the urethra moves out and forward. The two effects are that the vagina becomes narrower (might be enjoyable if something is being inserted) and that the urethral orifice pushes towards the tongue. Sometimes it comes out far enough to lick the first few millimeters of the upper wall of the vagina without having to insert the tongue.

If you try this technique for the first time you may want to make sure the receivers bladder is mostly empty. Then it is pretty unlikely that any pee will escape once she pretends to be peeing and both partners can concentrate on the pleasures. In most cases, peeing whilst being stimulated and lying in bed needs real concentration - even with a full bladder. So don't hesitate!

Sure it needs a bit of practice for the receiver to relax whilst trying to pee without actually doing so - but it really pays in many cases. And if you drank enough the giving partner may not even notice if a few drops escape on the verge of orgasm since it mixes with the other bodily fluids. I met couples who just let go and enjoy the stimulation whilst the partner might even like to feel the pee squirting against their palate. By the way: urine is completely harmless and free of germs if the partner is healthy and does not take any drugs.

I hope that these lines may help some of your readers to new exciting experiences - keep your site going!

Regards
Alpian

Anonymous

I've just got a little to add onto the cunnilingus techniques.

I've noticed there are some women who absolutely DESPISE fingers being inserted and actual sucking on the clitoris. While paying very close attention to body language that indicates that she's not enjoying it (including sighs, moves away from your face, breathing returning to normal), experiment. Do it slowly, and if she expresses verbally or nonverbally that she's not into it, stop at once. Don't feel like "you don't know what you like" because she knows better than you ever will.

Also, on the flip side, some women LOVE their clitoris being sucked and/or licked on hard or very hard and actually pulled with your lips. But don't try that unless she continuously says "harder" while you're performing the actions. Gradually begin to suck/lick harder until she tells you to stop.

Another great technique would be to suck and lick simultaneously as you moan on it. I'm told moaning causes some pleasurable vibrations, and by combining pleasurable techniques you'll more than likely receive a positive reaction and a drenched face within no time!

Just my two cents


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DVD Cover Oral Sex for Couples, Part 2- Connected Cunnilingus

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This class introduces Jaiya's explicit lessons in cunnilingus. These techniques range from introductory to advanced. Featuring Reena Sky, Bill Bailey, Jordan Kingsley and Jon Hanauer, these two skilled couples demonstrate many ways to increase your partner's pleasure as well as your own.


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Guide to Better Cunnilingus