Enjoyable Anal Sex for Women and Their Partner

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Cautionary Comments

My surveys asking women what they like and dislike the most during sex revealed anal sex is the most disliked sexual activity; 1 out of 17 women indicate it is their favorite activity. A possible reason why so many women do not like anal sex is because it causes them to experience pain rather than pleasure. A medical article published in April 2015 indicates "[a]bout 72% of women...reported pain during anal intercourse events, with more of these events including moderate or severe pain (for the women) and of mixed duration."

Couples considering anal intercourse should follow the advice presented below, mainly, proceed extremely slowly, gently, using plenty of lubrication. Don't simply push a penis into the anus, it isn't designed for it, regardless of what porn may indicate.

More Common and Pleasurable Than You May Believe

In the current and archived surveys that ask female visitors about their experiences with masturbation, this is what they say in regard to anal sex.

What percentage of girls and women have "explored" their anus?

62% - 55%

What percentage of girls and women have "stimulated" their anus for pleasure?

50% - 40%

Note: The first percentage given is from the archived survey that had 1,356 participants, the second percentage is from the active survey, which had 833 participants at the time this data was collected.

Based on the current and archived surveys that ask female visitors about their experiences with sexual arousal, this is what they say in regard to anal sex; comparative information is also presented.

For what percentage of girls and women are the areas of their body described below sensitive to sexual touch?

Body Area
Right Nipple
Front Wall of Vagina

What percentage of girls and women have had a partner stimulate the body areas listed below, and as a result experienced an "increase" in their level of sexual arousal?

Body Area
Clitoral Glans
Entire Clitoris

Note: The first percentage given is from the archived survey that had 1,133 participants, the second percentage given is from the active survey, which had 343 participants at the time this data was collected.

Based on the current and archived surveys that ask female visitors about their sexual experience, here are the percentages of women who have engaged in the described activity. A comparison is made between anal and vulvar/vaginal sex to provide some indication of the amount of sexual experience the participants had. Every participant hadn't experienced partnered sex, or progressed to anal sex if they had. While certainly a possibility, anal sex is much less likely to be the first form of partnered sex they experience. (Of those aged 15-19 who have not engaged in vaginal intercourse, 1 percent have engaged in anal sex. Of those who had engaged in vaginal intercourse, 21 percent had also engaged in anal intercourse. Source)

What percentage of girls and women have experienced the sexual activity described below?

Body Area and %
Sexual Activity
Partner's Gender
External Stimulation
with Fingers
Penetration with Finger(s)
Oral Stimulation
Penetration with Dildo
x - Question was not asked in survey

Note: The first percentage given is from the archived survey that had 4,434 participants, the second percentage is from the active survey, which had 1,323 participants at the time this data was collected.

Based on CDC data collected between 2011 and 2013 and published in January 2016, 35.9% of women and 42.3% of men have participated in anal sex.

A survey published in 2011 allows us to see the percentage of women who had participated in anal intercourse with a male partner, within the prior 12 months, broken down by age. Vaginal intercourse and oral sex with a male partner have been included to provide a frame of reference. Source

Anal Intercourse
Vaginal Intercourse
Oral Sex

In our survey that asks female visitors about the sensitivity of their vagina, in comparison to other areas of their body, this is what they say:

Body Area
Nipples are Less Sensitive than Vagina
Nipples are Equally Sensitive as Vagina
Nipples are More Sensitive than Vagina
Nipples are Equally or More Sensitive than Vagina
Clitoris is Less Sensitive than Vagina
Clitoris is Equally Sensitive as Vagina
Clitoris is More Sensitive than Vagina
Clitoris is Equally or More Sensitive than Vagina
Anus is Less Sensitive than Vagina
Anus is Equally Sensitive as Vagina
Anus is More Sensitive than Vagina
Anus is Equally or More Sensitive than Vagina

Note: These survey questions had 178 participants at the time this data was collected.

What is important to conclude from these survey results is, no possibility applies to 0 or 100 percent of women. Every possibility is true or untrue for some percentage of women. These survey results don't provide an indication of what is abnormal or normal, only what is true for the women who participate. These survey results only represent and present the possibility for sexual diversity.

When determining the sexual likes, dislikes, needs, and desires of the individual all survey data becomes irrelevant, as they are so unique no survey can accurately describe or define them. Surveys at best represent the "probability" of something being true or untrue for an individual. You will not know the truth until you do a little exploring and learn for yourself, guessing or presuming benefits no one.

The archived survey results may have increased error associated with them, as a result of the manner in which the data was collected and calculated. The results of the surveys conducted in association with this website only represent the experiences of the women who participated, and may not be representative of the general population, as the surveys are not conducted in a scientific manner.

Expectations Influence Outcome

The survey results presented above indicate 40-43% of women have experienced anal intercourse. While many women experiment with this sexual activity, other surveys indicate only 13-15% [1] engage in this activity on a regular basis. A likely reason for the low percentage of anal enthusiasts is, many find their experiences "unpleasant" (42%) or "repulsive" (7.5%) [1]. If women gave up on vaginal intercourse for the same reasons, there wouldn't be very many engaging in this activity either.

The majority of women (65%) say there was some degree of pain during their first experience of vaginal intercourse, and the overall experience was neither terribly good or bad (scoring 5.6 on a scale of 1 to 10). They also indicate they don't experience orgasm 40-63% of the time during vaginal intercourse, depending on whether clitoral stimulation is provided. Despite these factors women continue to engage in vaginal intercourse because it is required of them, to fulfill their partner's and society's expectations of them.

On the other hand they are not expected or required to engage in anal intercourse, because it isn't considered by many to be a "normal" sexual activity. This means they are socially motivated to say no to initial and future sexual experimentation of this nature. Despite this, what is important to know about anal sex is, when performed correctly it can be very enjoyable for both partners, and appears to be gaining in popularity and acceptance.

A Necessary Alternative

The women that engage in anal sex and intercourse on a regular basis may do so for many reasons. The intense sensations some women find uncomfortable or unpleasant may feel pleasurable to them. They may have discovered anal intercourse is more enjoyable than vaginal intercourse; in the survey results presented above nearly 3 out of 20 women have indicated their anus is more sensitive than their vagina.

For various reasons women sometimes do not like for their vulva and/or vagina to be touched and stimulated. There are couples who discover anal intercourse provides for a snugger fit between their bodies, resulting in greater frictional stimulation. A woman's G-Spot and prostate gland may be stimulated during anal intercourse even if they aren't during vaginal intercourse, because of the angle of penetration and alignment of the internal organs.

Others may not have access to birth control, or do not trust it, and anal intercourse allows them to experience the physical intimacy of vaginal intercourse without the same risk of pregnancy; though there are increased risks associated with the spread of disease. (Pregnancy is still possible, but is very unlikely, as long as semen does not come in contact with the vulva and immediately adjacent areas of the body.)

Some find the naughtiness of it a major turn on. For these reasons, anal sex should be considered an acceptable alternative or compliment to vaginally and clitorally focused sex.

Health Concerns

Anal sex is certainly an option, but please acknowledge the associated risks. The bacteria present in the rectum don't pose a risk to us as long as we are in good health and practice proper hygiene. This said, we can acquire AIDS, hepatitis, and other sexually transmitted infections (STI) from an infected partner, so safe sex is extremely important. Anal sex doesn't cause STI's, only potentially spreads the disease if one partner is already infected. I believe all of the associated diseases can be acquired through nonsexual forms of transmission, so the spread of disease is possible even if both individuals are " virgins" or "inexperienced". We sometimes mistakenly associates the spread of STI's with only "sexual contact," when they are also spread through other means.

"Because anal sex is far more dangerous than oral sex. According to data released earlier this year [September 2005] by the Centers for Disease Control, the probability of HIV acquisition by the receptive partner in unprotected oral sex with an HIV carrier is one per 10,000 acts. In vaginal sex, it's 10 per 10,000 acts. In anal sex, it's 50 per 10,000 acts. Do the math. Oral sex is 10 times safer than vaginal sex. Anal sex is five times more dangerous than vaginal sex and 50 times more dangerous than oral sex." Source

The transmission rates given above assume one partner is already infected with HIV, is a carrier. We generally assume our partner is diseases free, but this is why STI's are so prevalent in society today, because we assume incorrectly.

"CDC estimates that approximately 19 million new [STD] infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24." Source CDC

Always engage in Safe Sex practices when the transmission of body fluids (saliva, semen, vaginal lubrication, blood, etc.) is a possibility, which is true of most partnered sexual activities. Exceptions being phone sex, cybersex, watching your partner masturbate, and possibly outercourse, when clothing or bedding prevents the transfer of body fluids between partners. If you are exchanging body fluids then there is always some risk of transferring STI's. If you exchanged body fluids then you are considered fluid-bonded.

Secret Pleasures

Children are very curious about their body and for them exploring their anus is no different than exploring their nose. A girl is more likely to be consciously aware of her anus before her vagina, because she uses it on a daily basis. Her vagina may not become obviously apparent prior to her first menstrual period. This awareness appears to come into play when innate sexual desire makes its presence known during puberty, compelling adolescent girls to explore their changing body and its sexual pleasures. Interestingly enough, sometimes parental preoccupation with hygiene results in our having an anal fixation. These factors likely explain why, as a child or adolescent, 50% of women discovered touching and stimulating their anus is pleasurable.

The anus is rich in nerve endings and shares the same nerve as the vulva and clitoris. 37-40% of all women have indicated, in the survey data presented above, that their anus is sensitive to sexual touch, and 54-60% of women have experienced increased sexual arousal when a partner stimulated their anus. The cause for the significant difference in these percentages is, the first survey takes into account all women regardless of sexual experience, the second only those who have had a partner stimulate their anus. The same survey data indicates only half of all of women have had a partner stimulate their anus, meaning it is possible many more would find their anus sensitive to sexual touch if they gave it a try, and were open to the possibility. If all couples utilized proper technique, perhaps an even greater percentage of those who try it would also find it enjoyable.

Potential Barriers to Anal Sex

There is the potential for anal sex to have a considerable amount of negative stigmatism attached to it. Many of us are taught from an early age that our anus and what comes out of it are very dirty and nasty. Our parents were eager for us to be toilet trained, so they wouldn't have to contend with dirty diapers. These early experiences cause many to fear coming in contact with their own or their partner's anus and feces. Others learn to associate anal sex with sodomy and the tale of Sodom & Gomorrah, meaning their religious believes influence their sexual practices. Many then don't consider anal sex to be a potential sexual activity for them to pursue, or feel guilty if they do.

Many automatically equate "anal sex" with "anal intercourse," the insertion of an erect penis into the anus and rectum. This believe serves as a barrier for some women, as they are fearful of something as large as an erect penis entering their anus. These women may say no to anal sex even if they are somewhat curious to explore the activity, even if they have explored enjoyable anal stimulation during their masturbation sessions.

One possible reason why they would do this is, men and teenage boys frequently and mistakenly believe that once a woman gives them permission to insert their penis into her vagina, prior preparations, i.e. foreplay, are no longer required. Ouch! To overcome these barriers, couples should acknowledge anal sex also includes, and may even be limited to, external anal stimulation and massage. Penetration of the anus with a finger or penis is not required of enjoyable anal sex, and may never occur, or only after many many sessions of enjoyable anal sex, when there was no actual penetration. Couples should be pleasure rather than goal orientated.

Essential Communication

Couple Making Love

When participating in sexual activities with your partner it is essential that you communicate effectively. You don't want to presume anything, or unintentionally cause pain or harm. Lets face it, we may feel very uncomfortable with the idea of anal sex, and are even more uncomfortable with the idea of talking about it. Our barrier to talking about anal sex may be even greater than our barrier to participating in it. We may believe it is better to ask forgiveness than ask permission, which could have some very negative consequences.

To create the channels of communication it may help if both partners take turns reading erotic passages to one another, and in this case, particularly those about anal sex. This will provide experience with using sexual words, meaning you are more likely to be comfortable using them during your own conversions. You can read erotic books, online stories, or guidebooks about anal sex. Be weary of the practices described in the "erotic stories," as they may not be based on fact or good practice, even if they arouse you. Perhaps you can both masturbate during these erotic readings. When you can talk openly about anal sex you are significantly better prepared to participate.

It is essential for the the person doing the explorations to ask their partner if what they are doing feels pleasurable, if they should provide more, less, or the same pressure, go faster, slower, etc. The person receiving the anal stimulation should also indicate their comfort or discomfort with their partner's actions. This can be done with simple words like, yes, no, less, more, stop, wait, etc. You can also communicate through body movements, pulling away or pressing towards your partner. Moans and sighs may also work, if your partner is familiar with your body language. Be sure to be supportive while also guiding.

Lubrication and Patience Required

While the anus can be very sensitive to sexual stimulation its normal function does not include, allowing objects to enter the rectum from outside the body. Meaning it does not self-lubricate like the vagina, yet like the vagina it can contract causing pain. Another difference between the two is the anus is normally water tight, the vaginal orifice isn't; menstrual, vaginal, and cervical fluids flow freely out of the vagina. This means the anus tends to grasp objects inserted into it a little snugger than the vagina.

For these reasons a woman's anus may permit a finger, dildo, or erect penis to enter rather quickly, but just as quickly cause her to experience muscle contractions and pain when her body tries to expel the unwelcome intruder. Even if this doesn't occur, friction between the inserted object and sensitive anal tissues may cause considerable discomfort or pain. To help prevent these occurrences, lubrication and patience are requirements of enjoyable anal sex.

Before beginning your exploration of anal sex acquire an appropriate lubricant, thicker lubes tend to work better, and set aside plenty of time. The lubrication allows things to slip in without irritating the delicate anal and rectal tissues. Patience is required because the anal muscles should be slowly conditioned to remain relaxed when something is going in rather than out. Together, patience and lubrication greatly reduce the chances for injury, and as a result reduce the risk of spreading disease, because good technique reduces the chances of minor injuries to the anal tissues.

I strongly advise against the use of substances that numb the anus. When performed correctly anal stimulation and penetration should not cause pain. Pain is a normal defensive mechanism that occurs when the body is being or could be harmed. If your body it trying to tell you something is wrong, you should be listening, not tuning it out. Would you use a numbing agent on your hands prior to working around a hot stove? Pain is ALWAYS an indication that you need to stop, assess the situation, and eliminate the cause.


It is not easy for a person to feel comfortable about touching their own or their partner's anus if they believe they are unclean. To help overcome this concern jump into the shower or tub together, wash and gently and playfully stimulate your bodies from head to toe. Use plain soap and warm water to wash the external surface of the anus. Then gently and very slowly insert a soapy fingertip into the anus to cleanse inside the anus, if you can do so without causing pain or discomfort. Make sure it is a fun, intimate, and relaxing experience. When both partners feel clean and ready, go find a warm comfortable place to relax and explore.

If you are considering anal penetration and are concerned about coming in contact with feces, very slowly and gently slip a lubricated finger into the anus and check for any remaining fecal matter. (You may have to perform the anal massage described below prior to being able to insert a lubricated finger without the anus automatically contracting and resisting penetration.) You can wear nitrile or latex gloves while doing this if you would like. If you find or are fearful of finding feces you can administer a small volume warm water enema. Be careful not to administer too much water, as it can cause an upset stomach, and an "accident" later on could ruin the moment. A pint (0.6 liters) of water is all that is required for rinsing the rectum. Store bought enemas are too strong and irritating for sexual purposes, though the bottle may be convenient to use if its contents are first replaced with plain warm water.

Location and Atmosphere

A bed may not be the best place to explore anal stimulation, or sex in general, depending on the flexibility and physical abilities of both partners. This is especially true if the person doing the stimulation and exploration cannot sit bent over at the waist or bend their knees for extended periods of time. I believe the best option is a portable massage table, as they provide easy access to your partner's entire body while allowing you to stand. Quality massage tables may seem expensive, but keep in mind the fact they should last you a lifetime. Other suitable locations would be a coffee table, kitchen table or countertop, or even a work surface in a clean and heated garage. For those with the necessary flexibility, the floor or a suitably sized bed should work very well. Cover hard surfaces with a folded comforter, gym workout mats, lawn furniture cushions, or foam padding. Some lubricants and massage oils, while beneficial to anal sex, may stain these materials.

The location should be warm, free of distractions, and softly lit. You wouldn't cook or work on your car in the dark, and the same should apply equally to sex. Having relaxing music playing in the background is also a very good idea. You will also want to keep the chosen lubricant within arms reach, and preferably in a container that is easy to dispense from, yet unlikely to spill. You should schedule 30 to 60 minutes if exploring only anal stimulation, and up to two hours if exploring full body massage and/or extended sexual pleasure.

Body Positions

The person receiving the anal stimulation will most likely want to lay on their stomach with their legs spread comfortably apart. You can elevate their hips with a pillow or rolled up bath towels to allow for increased access to their anus and vulva. They can also lay on their side with their knees drawn comfortably towards their chest, possibly placing a pillow between their knees. Anal stimulation can be provided from the front, when the receiver is laying on their back, but this means of access is perhaps suitable for external caresses only. The giver then sits, kneels, or stands beside their partner in a comfortable position. It is important for both partners to feel comfortable, especially if the stimulation is to occur over an extended period of time, as you don't want either partner to feel physically uncomfortable or stressed by their posture and actions.

For anal intercourse you can use a massage table, or similar surface, by having your partner lay on their back with their bottom positioned at the very edge of the table while you stand between and support their legs with your arms, or on your shoulders. This position allows both partners easy access to her vulva, so you can provide clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation at the same time. They can also lay on their side, with their bottom positioned near the table's edge, if they have adequate support for their legs at the same time; this position will likely require some prior experimentation. The receiver may also stand or kneel while bent over theses surfaces, allowing their arms and upper body weight to be supported by the flat surface. This is in addition to the standard rear entry, female superior, and spooning positions, and variations of the same.

The primary concern is for both of you to be comfortable, and have the necessary freedom of movement, while still maintaining control over those movements. Especially in the beginning, and contrary to what adult movies may appear to indicate, you don't need to be able to perform deep or rapid thrusting, as this could easily cause your partner discomfort or pain.

The Warm Up

It is absolutely necessary for both partners to be relaxed and comfortable during these activities. If you are rushed or pressured it simply will not work. Many of us are uncomfortable with the idea and experience of having someone touch our anus, and require time to learn how to relax and enjoy it. It may take several sessions or weeks before a woman is comfortable with any form of anal stimulation, let alone penetration, so go slow, very slow. Guys if you don't believe me, see what happens when you allow her to explore and stimulate your anus, assuming your haven't been doing a little secretive exploration of your own. The mood should be romantic, not rushed or overly clinical, by the numbers.

It is usually beneficial, though not required, to perform the anal massage after first caressing the vulva and/or performing cunnilingus. The vulvar stimulation and resulting sexual arousal and pleasure may distract a woman from focusing on the anal stimulation. Increased blood flow also occurs in the anus during sexual arousal, increasing its sensitivity. You may want to alternate between stimulating her vulva and anus, to help insure she remains sexually aroused. If these forms of stimulation aren't sexual arousing for her, then try mental and/or other forms of sexual stimulation. Perhaps watching one of the videos about anal massage shown at the bottom of the page will get you both in the mood, and be educational at the same time.

Anal Massage

It is normal for the anus to contract when initially touched, preventing entry, yet these muscles must be relaxed prior to successful penetration. For this reason the first step required for enjoyable anal penetration is anal massage. First lubricate the anus with an appropriate lubricant and then gently caress and massage the anal ring with light circular strokes. Concentrate on giving pleasure rather than entering the anus. Perhaps your can caress and massage her lubricated clitoris and vulva at the same time, increasing her pleasure. Over time press gently on the anal ring, stretching the muscles, but do not attempt to poke or penetrate the anal orifice.

With the pad of your finger on the surface of the anus, gently and slowly press outward from the center of the anus, stretching the muscles, a fraction of an inch/centimeter at a time. Imagine the anus is like a clock and press your finger in the direction of each number on the clock's face. With time you should feel the muscles relax and the anus open up. You want to stretch the muscles rather than simply poke and penetrate the anus, as a result the anus should open and welcome your finger. Don't progress to actual penetration until these muscles are relaxed. If these exercises feel pleasurable, her body is much more likely to welcome your explorations.

She can learn to sense when the muscles of her anus are tense or in contraction by learning Kegels exercises, and in the process learn how to relax the associated muscles. This will come in very handy if objects of increasing size are later inserted. After she has acquired this skill, encourage her to contract and relax her anus, as if she were winking at you, during your massage sessions. This will help her with body awareness and improve her sexual responsiveness, and as a result increase the intensity of her pleasure and orgasms.

Basic Anatomy

Couple Making Love

There can be considerable normal variation in human anatomy from one person to the next, and this is equally true of the anus and rectum. This means you need to discover your partner's anatomy for yourself rather than relying on written descriptions alone. The anus is an orifice that leads to the anal canal, which is one to two inches (2.5 to 5 cm) in length. The anal canal is highly vascular, i.e. rich in blood vessels, and is comprised of two muscular rings, the outer is under a woman's voluntary control, the inner is not. The anus and outer anal canal are sensitive to the full range of stimulation, but the inner anal canal and rectum tends to be sensitive to only pressure and pain; meaning we are less sensitive to potential injury inside our rectums. The anal canal leads to the rectum, which is about five inches in length. The first segment of the rectum generally angles towards a woman's naval, and then angles back towards the back slightly. It is this initial forward angle that causes the penis or dildo to stimulate the front wall of the vagina and G-Spot more directly than they do during vaginal intercourse. It is important to follow the natural path of the anal canal and rectum, especially when inserting inflexible objects like a penis, dildo, or butt plug. Otherwise you may cause pain and injury. Only proceed if the pathway is open, and don't try to force a path where none exists. This is further reason to progress slowly and carefully.

Stretching With Fingers

Once a woman is accustomed to external anal stimulation, and you are aware of when her anus is relaxed, you can begin exploring anal penetration. The tissues of the anus and rectum are very delicate so be sure to only insert smooth objects that are free of sharp and rough edges. You should also trim and file your fingernails smooth. It is a good idea to check your fingernails for smoothness with your lips and tongue. Wearing nitrile or latex gloves will make your finger(s) easier to insert and reduce the chances for irritation, and they are readily available in the first aid section of your local store and pharmacy.

Go slow, and do not try to insert your entire finger in the beginning. If you go too fast, she may experience considerable discomfort, ruining the moment and possibly ending your exploration of anal sex. Massage the anal ring as described above and wait for it to relax. Then begin pressing the pad, rather than the tip, of a single finger lightly against the anal ring, and stretch the anus open. You want to press on the muscles, pushing them gently to the side, allowing the anus to open from the center outward. You want her anus to open in advance of your finger rather than poking your finger into the center and forcing it open. If you feel the muscles tighten, stop and resume the external anal massage for a couple of minutes. When her anus has once again relaxed, resume pressing gently with the pad of your finger. As her anus continues to relax in advance of your finger, it should open and allow your finger to enter without effort. Be sure to verbally confirm that what you are doing is pleasurable for her.

At first you will want to place your finger partially within her anal canal and hold it stationary, allowing her to become accustomed to the sensation of something being inside her anus. Now would be a good time to stimulate her vulva until she experiences orgasm, as the presence of your finger/tip inside her anus may enhance her orgasms; if orgasm is desired. Once she is comfortable with being dilated, continue to gently stretch her anus by pressing outward on her anal ring, as instructed above, but from the center of the anal ring, pressing outward against the muscular ring. When the muscles have relaxed, slowly start to move your finger in and out, or rotate it in a slow twisting or circular manner. Don't get too carried away, as things can suddenly become uncomfortable for her; frictional stimulation will feel quite different from the prior constant pressure and gentle caresses.

If desired, once a woman has learned to enjoy the insertion of a single finger explore inserting a second. Press the pad of two fingers against the anal ring, and once again push her anal door open. Always go slow and be sure she remains relaxed. You should concentrate on giving her pleasure rather than inserting larger objects. The increased feeling of fullness may feel pleasurable to her, but if done too ambitiously may result in painful muscle contractions.

Anal Plugs

Once you are able to insert one or two fingers into her anus you may want to acquire one or more "butt plugs," to help prepare her for objects of increasing diameter and length. Butt plugs are a special type of dildo that has a tapered shape and flared base. The taper allows you to slowly dilate the anus, and the flared base prevents them from accidentally slipping all the way into the rectum. Butt plugs tend to stay in place once inserted, allowing you to explore other sexual activities, while the plug continues to stimulate and condition the anus.

Caution: You should never insert anything into the anus and rectum that doesn't have a flared base. If the object doesn't have a flared base it could slip all the way into rectum. If this should happen it could be difficult to remove from the rectum, requiring a potentially embarrassing trip to the doctor.

Butt plugs come in many sizes, from the size of a slender finger to that of a large fist. For the majority of us, a small and medium sized butt plug, 1 and 1 1/4 inches (2.5/3.2 cm) across respectively, will suffice. For women who enjoy the more intense feeling that accompanies the insertion of larger objects, the sky is the limit, in time. Silicone plugs are the best choice, as they are smooth, nonporous, flexible, and easy to clean. They can be more expensive, but will serve you far better in the long run. It is also a good idea to put a condom on the butt plug, or dildo, as it will make cleanup easier, and protects non-silicone toys.

To use a butt plug, lubricate, massage, and slowly relax her anus with your finger(s) first. Once you are able to insert one or two fingers comfortably, lubricate and place the small butt plug at her anal opening, then with a single finger, slowly press it in a fraction of an inch/centimeter. Then allow her anus to contract and push the plug back out, and then press it slowly back in again. Please be sure to allow the plug to follow the natural course of the rectum, which in general is towards her navel. Using a single finger to press on the plug will help prevent you from using too much force. Very slowly repeat this process, inserting the butt plug a little further each time. Be sure to keep the plug fully lubricated. It is a good idea to stimulate her vulva while doing this, if it is sensitive to sexual stimulation.

Note: If you are having trouble inserting the plug without causing discomfort then ask her to insert it herself, while you observe what she does.

Anal Plugs - Continued

With patience the butt plug should slip all the way in and stay in place, due to its slender base, though the smaller butt plugs may not stay in as well as larger ones. Once the plug is fully inserted, leave it alone and make love to her. Perform cunnilingus and/or engage in vaginal intercourse if she so desires. Also if desired, bring her to orgasm. Allow her to enjoy the feeling of something being in her anus during orgasm. After a couple sessions you can begin to work the butt plug in and out, stimulating her anus.

If she is comfortable with the butt plug being inserted, allow it to remain so for fifteen to twenty minutes, to help condition her anus to dilation. Many women enjoy the simple pleasure provided by the inserted butt plug. It is okay to leave it in for longer periods of time if she is comfortable doing so. Some plugs are specifically designed for longer wear, perhaps even when out in public, at a party or work.

Once you are done, slowly slip the butt plug out of her rectum. The anal muscles may have contracted snuggly around the plug, requiring you to pull firmly but gently, while she helps expel it, as if having a bowel movement. Now wash the plug with antibacterial soap and dry it, in preparation for the next experience. Once she learns to enjoy the small butt plug, switch to the larger one. You may need to use the small one in preparation for the other during the same session. Go slow, have fun, but do not be goal orientated.

Having a butt plug available will allow you to explore double penetration, an activity some women are curious to try, and enjoy when they do. With a butt plug comfortably in her anus you can then engage in vaginal intercourse, potentially allowing her to experience increased pleasure, as a result of stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time. Keep in mind the fact that her internal organs need to adjust to the size of both the plug and your penis or dildo, so go slow, and choose a slender plug initially.


In preparation for anal intercourse you may want to purchase one or more dildos. Unlike butt plugs, dildos don't have a narrower area near their base, meaning her anus will be fully dilated the entire time it is inserted, as will be the case during anal intercourse. You can acquire a dildo that is equal in diameter to the man's penis, if one of you is male, or any size that fulfills your fancy, and possibly an appropriate dildo harness. You should get a dildo that has a flared base, or that is long enough that it cannot possibly slip all the way inside the rectum. The use of a harness will require the dildo to have a flared based, and be about an inch longer than the desired depth of penetration.

Using a dildo prior to your penis, or a dildo in a harness, will provide you with greater control over the amount of pressure applied to the anus during insertion, and increased control over your movements. Initially, slowly relax and stretch her anus with fingers and/or a butt plug, then slowly and gently insert the lubricated dildo. At first, simply allow her to become accustomed to the constant dilation. When she has relaxed, you may want to slowly move the dildo in and out. Going very slow at first. Allow her to guide your movements. As always, be sure to bring her to orgasm, if desired.

Anal Intercourse: A Welcomed Entrance

By the time you consider anal intercourse, with a penis or dildo in a harness, she should be so accustomed to anal stimulation and penetration that she has no apprehensions, and you shouldn't be fearful of causing pain or injury as well. Schedule an entire evening or afternoon for this special occasion. Then begin the experience by preparing her anus as described above. Bringing her to orgasm prior to penetration will help her relax, allowing her to be more receptive.

During the actual insertion of your penis she should be in total control of the depth and speed of insertion, and the subsequent movements of your bodies. It is recommended that she be on top, or on her hands and knees with you remaining stationary behind her. She needs to lower herself down onto or push herself back onto your penis. She must be receptive and open to your penis, versus you pushing your way inside. Once the head of your penis enters, she should stop and relax for a couple minutes, to become accustomed to the dilation.

When she feels comfortable, she can receive in the remainder of your penis, and once again she may want to stop and relax for a while. You may have to adjust the height and alignment of your bodies to allow your penis to enter her rectum fully and comfortably. Go slow, the sensations can be very intense. When both of you are comfortably relaxed, begin rocking your bodies slowly. Don't try to utilize deep thrusts or rapid movements, as doing so could cause her discomfort or pain. With practice she will be able to tell you what is physically possible for her, and the most enjoyable. Be sure to keep everything well lubricated, to reduce the chances of friction and irritation.

It will likely be beneficial for one of you to stimulate her breasts, vulva, clitoris and/or vagina during anal intercourse, to help increase and/or maintain her level of sexual arousal. Once you are inside, bring her to another orgasm, if desired. While some women are orgasmic from anal stimulation alone, many will require added clitoral stimulation if orgasm is desired.

Practice Makes Perfect

If you would like for anal sex to be a rewarding component of your sexual relationship you should spend adequate time preparing for and participating in the activity. With practice and repetition you may find you don't need to go through as much preparation, though you may choose to because of the pleasures it provides. Some women, having a fare amount of experience, find they only need to apply some lubrication to their partner's penis or dildo and they are ready, and this is much more likely if anal sex is a regular part of your sexual relationship. It is more difficult to become accustomed to the new sensations, and if desired, prepare the anus for dilation and penetration, if you are not engaging in some form of anal stimulation on regular basis. This also means that if you don't experience anal sex regularly you should schedule longer periods for when you do. You will need to set aside around fifteen minutes once or twice a week, or two hours if you engage in anal sex less often. If you reserve anal sex for special occasions, which is certainly acceptable, you will need to spend more time preparing your mind and body for it.

Last change January 11, 2016
First published July 27, 1999